Fall Forgiveness

I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately.  This is something that is not easy for many people, and can even make them angry to consider.  I guess this post is a call-back to last week, and our tendency to fear.  Forgiveness can help with fear, in my experience.

There was an article in the newspaper about two police officers who had been shot in the face at close range by a psychotic teen.  Horrible.  They lived and are back working in the force, but are not the same.  One in particular said he now knows that no-one can be trusted.  The other day the paper also related the story of some men who went into a Culver's openly carrying their handguns (which is legal).  Patrons became nervous, police were called, and eventually the men were fined for disturbing the peace.  When interviewed, they said that you never know when someone is going to beat your head in, so you should be prepared. 

(I generally refuse to read much of the paper, not surprisingly.)

This week a number of friends were relaying their dismay and anger regarding incidents that for them recalled past harms they had experienced, even though the new incidents didn't touch them directly.  Totally human response.  I know that there are certain things that will clearly, if briefly, send me mentally back to past fears and hurts as if I'm experiencing them all over again, with the same dangers and threats.  There is little worse than thinking you are over something and then finding that some minor incident throws you right back into your previous state of mind.  I've worked for many years to overcome specific traumas, fears, and worries.  It is a practice, like meditation.  Never quite achieve perfection, but gets a little better each time I succeed.

For me, forgiveness was and is key.  Now, my husband and I disagree on this point.  He feels that some things and people should not be forgiven, and that you can move on with your life without forgiving.  I disagree.  I understand what he is saying, and intellectually it even makes some sense.  But, for me, I was never able to move on until I forgave.

I believe that letting go and forgiveness go hand in hand.  I'm not excusing what has happened, not condoning evil or harm, not saying, "Hey, that's fine and dandy!"  I'm removing my attachment and feelings toward that act or person, and releasing the tie that binds me to the ill.

My good buddy the Dalia Lama has much to say on this, and I'm right there with him.  http://www.emotionalawareness.net/transcript.html

The funny thing about forgiveness in my experience, is that you have to forgive twofold.  First, you forgive the person or act or whatever it is that caused you harm.  Second, you forgive yourself for being there to be hurt, allowing yourself to be hurt, not doing something sooner, not doing anything at all, not being better, not being smarter, etc.  That's the toughie.   It doesn't help that many ignorant people say things like, "I'd never put up with that," or "I'd never let that happen to me."  Gee, thanks.  Guess I'm just stupid. (expletives come to mind)

Wow.  Forgiving myself is not easy.  I'm intelligent, educated, blah blah blah.  How could I let myself get into that situation?  Why didn't I see sooner?  Here come the accusatory questions again.  Breathe.  We are all human and we do the best that we can.  We have reasons and motives that keep us doing what we're doing, cause us to choose the friends and associates we have, lead us to decisions made.  Bottom line...it's OK. 

Forgiveness feels really good to the forgiver.  To heck with the forgivee.  Once I've forgiven someone, they usually are essentially a blank to me.  The negative feelings go away, the triggers go away, the hot buttons go away, and I don't have to live in fear of being struck from behind by a memory.  To me that's peace, and worth every penny.

Change of perspective

Reading the Sunday paper is always a mixed blessing for me.  I love the funnies, travel section, and local stories.  I don't love the endless woes in places both near and far.  There are troubles, environmental issues, children's futures to worry about.  Or, are there?

There is no doubt that life has its downside.  I've been there, and so have all of you.  I hear people upset about the state of the world, shouting that we must change it or everything will crash down upon us.  Well, of course things need to change.  But, couldn't we try to improve the world from a position of gratefulness and joy rather than fear?  What I'm saying is that, if we really enjoy what we have and appreciate it every day, we'll want to keep things that way.  Help them get better, even.  Can we really make the world a better place by hating how it is now?

I know that for myself, if I have a task that I dislike, something that makes me cringe to remember it needs doing, that I'm much more likely to procrastinate and do nothing than if it is something I enjoy.  The things I'm good at, happy about, and grateful for rise to the top of my to-do list every time.  It just stands to reason that bigger issues fall into the same pattern.

I propose that we all stop for a minute and think of all the things we're thankful for.  Things that make life worth living.  Then, let's see how we can make even more things for which to be grateful, and help others do the same.  Seems that approach is much more sustainable than being afraid and stressed. 

So, today, enjoy, thank, and spread the good word. Take everything good in this world and multiply it in your own small way.  Then, things will change!

Cheeser weezer

I have cheese on the mind.  I am a Wisconsin girl, after all.  But for some reason, this week cheese rules.

Yesterday, at work, we managers cooked breakfast for the staff.  I was in charge of eggs.  Now, I don't know about you, but for me scrambled eggs = 50% eggs + 50% cheese.  My eggs were very popular.  I cooked three dozen and could not keep up with demand.  Several people came back for seconds, and one young woman stopped back on her way to her desk and just, get this, spooned the eggs into her hand.  Again, you heard right.  She didn't even bother grabbing a plate, just put a spoonful into her hand and ate it like that.  Now, that is a compliment!

Earlier this week I made the trip across town to Steve's http://www.stevesknows.com/, a wine/liquor shop where they also have a wonderful selection of cheeses.  You see, I had a coupon from Groupon, and was eager to splurge.  I ended up with a delicious Italian salami, some smoked gouda (quickly becoming my favorite of all time), and a brie with bleu cheese veins.  Yum.  Today I am obsessed with manteche (top), which is provolone filled with butter, and burrata (bottom), which is mozzarella filled with cream.  Yes, you heard right.  I must have these cheeses.  Then I will be complete.

That same day I went to a fancy chocolate shop, DB Infusion Chocolates http://www.infusionchocolates.com/.  Now, their treats are incredibly beautiful.  Glorious colors, shiny, interesting flavor combinations.  Make a great impression.  The two I tasted were a Thai peanut butter, which was like a peanut butter cup with Thai curry flavors.  The next one was dark chocolate with infusion of bleu cheese, fig balsamic vinegar (another favorite of mine), pear, and hickory nuts.  Mm.  For appearance and WOW, these chocolates are the thang, man.  But, my favorite chocolatier is still Gail Ambrosius  http://gailambrosius.com/.  Gail is the best for three main reasons: 1.  She has the best name imaginable for a chocolatier, 2. She used to be a cartographer (the geographer in me will never die), and 3. Her chocolates draw me into a whole different state of mind.  Seriously, her truffles are almost a mind-altering experience.  I actually will cut her chocolates into four pieces, since my poor, mortal mind is nearly completely overwhelmed if I eat a whole one all at once.  The textures, flavors, and...I don't know.  She just totally GETS it.  Her truffles are an experience, not just a treat.  I cannot eat one without closing my eyes and feeling the world rush away, just for a moment.  So...go online or to her shop in east Madison and see for yourself. 

Oh, now, where was I?  Well, cheese and chocolate are in the same category.  Life's little pleasures.  Those things that cost very little yet yield so much.  In my book, that makes them among the most important things in life.  Read my book, people...it's pretty good!  I entreat you!

Bittersweet -- what the heck is that about?

Have just finished a tasty, fancy chocolate: pear, fig balsamic vinegar, bleu cheese, hazelnut.  I like dark chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, and even milk chocolate if it is the good stuff.  I like the odd mix of sour, tart, bitter, and sweet.  And yes, chocolate is like life (not the other way around, as chocolate reigns supreme in my mind).

I have started my new, dream job, and I'm really happy.  Well, it is my current dream job.  Dreams change, as we all know, and sometimes you just have to say, "Fine, this is my dream NOW so I'm just going to bleepin' GO WITH IT and quit worrying about if it is THE DREAM or not.  Sheesh."

 I have a beautiful friend who is facing some not-so-easy times right now.  The bitter times versus the sweet.  Key words there...bitter now versus sweet earlier.  Wait, wasn't there also a time when things were EVEN WORSE than they are now?  Hmmm...probably.  Yeah, come to think of it.  Well, doesn't make now any easier, but maybe it could.  Hmm.

The other night hubby and I watched Darby O'Gill and the Little People.  This is an awesome old movie, and if you haven't seen it you must.  Stars a very young and virile Sean Connery, SINGING.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTwmjOySDjA

Anyhoo, there is a scene in the movie where Darby, the old-timer who talks to the leprechauns, is trying to decide what wishes to make now that he has caught the leprechaun king. King Brian tells him to hurry up and wish for gold like everyone does.  But Darby says, "What good is gold if a man be too sick, or too sad to enjoy it?"  Well said, Darby.  At another point in the movie, Darby relays his stories to friends in the pub.  One tells him to wish for happiness.  Darby's answer?  "People need the bitter with the sweet." 

This is the point in the blog where I amaze you with my arcane and esoteric knowledge, as well as my ability to find connections where none exist.  I mean, to find meaningful connections.  The movie is based on stories by one Herminie Templeton Kavanagh.   The title of her book?  The Ashes of Old Wishes And Other Darby O'Gill Tales. Wow.  There is food for thought.

Maybe we could allow the ashes of our old wishes to just lie there.  They were once THE DREAM, the wish, the everything.  It was great.  It was all-encompassing.  It was going to last forever.  But it didn't.  And, you know, that is OK.  Ashes nourish the soil.  Rich soil grows all sorts of things.  Final thought?  

Don't bother looking for the greener grass when you're already on the side of the fence with the flowers.

Be happy, dear friend, and dear friends, and be ready for the sweet when it returns.

Cooler Near the Lake, Part III

Boy, it was cold in the night.  Glad the cabin had extra blankets.  Hot shower, ate the yogurt and cereal I brought for breakfast, made coffee, headed out.  Check out and hit the road.  Fortunately, I didn't have to travel far.  The Lake is always there.  In years past, I would spend so much time driving farther up the Shore.  Drive drive drive to get as far North as I could.  Now, I rest just outside the main city (although the cabins are technically in Duluth, you'd never know it).  There are so many places to stop and clamber down to the shore.  There is a water plant on the Lake, where they have an artesian well.  It's just a pipe stuck in the ground, with a spigot, and I always stop at least once to fill a water bottle here.  Then, just a few miles towards the city, there is a lovely park...KitcheeGamee.  As some of you may know, kitcheegamee, gitchee gumi, etc. are Ojibwe/Anishinabee names for Lake Superior.  You might like to read Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's Song of Hiawatha sometime.  Anyway, this is a great park with a long shoreline.  Sipped my coffee, called hubby (who also loves the Lake) and gathered stones as I always do.  Breathed in the lake air, rested on the boulders, and said "thank you for being here, now farewell."

Wanted to stop at a cafe on my way out of town to blog, but the one I stopped at had no wifi.  Still, Va Bene, Berarducci's Caffee was worth the visit.  I'd never been here before, but would love to go back for dinner sometime.  The decor is lovely, and there is a back "porch" with an amazing Lake view.  The waiter, Joel, was gracious and well-mannered.  He moved back to Duluth from Omaha where he attended school because he missed the geography.  I have met other young people like him here in past travels...something about the Lake draws them back.  Like me.  We had a chat, I drank some coffee, had some soup, and headed out. 

There is a park in northern Wisconsin called Interstate State Park.  I have wanted to go there for years.  It is at the westernmost terminus of the Ice Age Trail (I used to work for them) and has interesting features.  The things I wanted to see most were the potholes.  These are features left from when the area was flooded after the glaciers receded.  Small or large boulders would be caught in whirling currents near the bottom of the glacial lake, and would grind their way into the bedrock.  This created round holes, tunnels, and the like.  Really neat stuff for a geography nerd like myself. 

I hiked the pothole trail, overlooking the St. Croix River.  Rocky cliffs, evergreens, rainy and windy...this is the North I love!  Stopped to eat the Cajun Finn sandwich I'd bought on my way out of Duluth (forgot to mention this, did I?  The Northern Waters Smokehaus at DeWitt Seitz marketplace at Canal Park is amazing...)  Cajun Finn is cajun smoked salmon, scallion cream cheese, pepperoncini, and roasted red peppers on ciabatta...oh...my...goodness.  Anyhoo, ate my sandwich while enjoying the view, then realized I still had 4+ hours of travel time, so time to head home.  sigh

What more can be said?  Headed home to hubby, house, and new job.  Grateful for everything, and taking the Lake with me wherever I go.  Until next year...well, maybe sooner.

Cooler Near the Lake Part II

So, here I am at Sir Bennie's.  The locals call it Sir Ben's, but we always called it Sir Bennie's so there you are.  This is a must-visit place if you are ever in Duluth.  This place and The Lake are the two reasons I consider it worthwhile to drive 5+ hours each way for a one-night stay.

I have been coming to this place for nearly thirty years.  Yes, you read that right.  It has only been open for thirty, so I'm an old-timer here even though I only visit once a year.  Anyhoo...menu has not changed substantially which says a lot for this place.  It is still current and tasty and cheap.  I order an avocado and bacon sandwich with all the fixin's, a cup of soup, and settle in.  The sandwich is so good...the bacon is thick-cut and crumbled, not strips, so it is chewy and man, so tasty.  The place is now owned by an Italian family, so they also offer Italian specialties.  Next time I may try those, but with only one dinner out this trip, I go with the sentimental sandwich.  (They have a great sandwich called the Sir Melt, which is open-faced with a huge pile of fresh veggies, cheese on top and broiled...really tasty)  http://sirbens.com/

I sit at the same table each time...the one set up against the trophy case full of t-shirts.  Of course, since this is me, people feel the need to come up and talk to me.  This is OK with me, and part of the whole deal.   My table has four chairs, and as the musicians start to trickle in, chairs become scarce.  An older fellow named Mike sat with me for a long while, talking about the musicians in the group.  Mike is a regular attendee on the folk music scene in Duluth, and kept encouraging me to stop in for Chick Jam, Old-time Country Jam, etc.  I kept reminding him that I live 5+ hours away but he was undeterred.  Then skinny Tom, the bodhran player, regaled me with his pretty-good fake Irish accent, asking me to use my computer to book him a flight to Cork.  We visited off and on throughout the evening.

Mike headed out, and a lovely lady named Fran came to sit with me.  She was perhaps in her 50s, with the complexion and attitude of a young girl.  She was delightful, and we talked about music, life, and many things.  One of the gems we find when we open ourselves up to receiving them.

After about four hours of visiting and listening to music, it was time to head back to the cottage.  I forget how dark night really is...I live in a small town but there is still ambient light from nearby cities.  The road to my place was startlingly dark...black as black.  A lone freighter floated in the distance, its lights standing out in the darkness.  Yes...again, this is why I come here.

Cooler Near the Lake Part I

This will be a three-part post so as not to get too long on any one post.  Last week I took my annual solo trip to Duluth.  I start a new job tomorrow, one for which I am extremely grateful and excited, so wanted to charge my batteries at The Lake.  I lived for only three years in Superior, during high school, but still consider that area home.  Of all the places I've been, the shore north of Duluth still holds the most power for me.  The pounding waves, rocky shore, ships out on the waves...they all ground me and bring a sense of peace.


I have my set itinerary when I go Up North.  Varies very little from year to year, although if I have more time I'll add some extras like Gooseberry Falls State Park or Splitrock Lighthouse.  I leave the Madison area early in the morning, by six at the latest.  Make my way up the interstate, past Mauston and the Oasis truck stop which has awesome pie and tuna melts, onward north.  Now I'm starting to feel "away."  Continuing along the highway, past Eau Claire, into the Northern Highlands.  The Highlands area was once a mountain range, now worn from centuries of glaciers and erosion.  It isn't really that hilly, but is higher than the rest of the state.  This is the gateway to the Lake Superior Watershed, and...The Lake.  Cresting the hill, I finally can glimpse the lake in the distance.  It's all downhill from here...literally and figuratively.  Almost there!

Arriving in Duluth, I head first to Canal Park.  This is a fun area on The Lake where you can watch BIG ships entering and leaving the port.  The aerial lift bridge sounds its alarm, and crowds gather to see what ship is coming.  Sometimes it is just a tour boat (darn!) but I was lucky and saw a 1200-footer make its way through the channel to The Lake.  This area also is full of shops and galleries, restaurants and pubs.  When I lived in Superior (sister city to Duluth) this area was all strip clubs and empty warehouses, save for the one restaurant, Grandma's.  Now I park, hit the Amazing Grace coffee shop, stroll through the galleries, hit the small bookstore to browse books by local authors, and generally "pook and poke" as my mom says.  Good to stretch my legs after the 5+ hour drive, but is it me or is it about 15 degrees cooler here than at home?

Off to my cabin!  I have stayed at different places through the years, but I really like this one.  It hits the right note...only a few minutes into the city, but not in the city...view of The Lake from my bed...coffee maker and fridge...teeny tiny bathroom with instant hot showers...ahhh.  Especially nice since the temperature HERE is at least 5 to 10 degrees cooler than in town!  The righthand unit is where I stayed, and the Lake photo is taken from the bed. 

Highly recommend this place to anyone looking for a getaway.
http://www.northshorecottages.com/

After a brief rest and settling-in time, I'm ready to hit the town.  I usually do the "city thing" the first day, and the "Lake thing" the second.  Just the way it seems to go.  I purchased some local beer for hubby, drove the Scenic Highway looking for houses to buy someday (hey, fun to dream), and finally headed to my one must-do...Sir Benedict's Tavern on the Lake.  Now, this is a pub in a converted gas station.  Amazing view of the Lake, terrific build-your-own sandwiches, and free live music.  I particularly like the Irish Music Jam, so try to plan my trips with a Thursday overnight so I can see that.  See Part II for the rest!

Goodwill Hunting

So, yesterday my best friend and I were at the Goodwill store.  I love the treasure hunt aspect of shopping there...I never know what I'm going to find.  Quickly: yesterday it was a pair of Franco Sarto boots for $4 and a J. Jill suit for $8 (would be $80 and $200 respectively, retail).  OK, back to my main point.  We never know where we'll find an unexpected jewel.

You know that little thrill you get when you're at the grocery store, and there are...free samples?!  It's like Christmas, even though the samples are usually for food you'd never buy anyway.  Free!  yay!

In the small town where I live (population 1100 soaking wet) there is a little old lady.  She is very bent over with osteoporosis, and uses a rolling walker.  She has every reason to sit home and rest, since she can barely move.  But every single day she goes for a long walk.  I'll see her all over town (well, the last street at the edge of town is 2nd Street, but still).  Rain, shine, 10 degrees, 90 degrees...she is out there moving and grooving with her reflective safety vest on.  I have always admired her.  Let's call her LOL (little old lady).

The other day a friend of mine who is extremely well connected in town shared a story with me about this lady.  It seems that the local bank used to have a popcorn machine in the lobby.  The staff would fill little bags so that customers could grab a small snack after they finished their banking.  (I love small towns)  Well, this admirable lady heard about the feast to be had, and would often stop by.  Apparently, LOL would fill the basket on the front of her walker with EVERY bag of popcorn, and then head home.

Now, I am not one to cast aspersions.  I love popcorn, and in fact my mother taught us that it is the fifth food group. Nearly every Sunday it was popcorn and Wide World of Disney for dinner.

Well, the bank decided that its bottom line was being too severely impacted by LOL and packed up the popcorn machine. To me, this seems the height of mean-spiritedness. LOL worked hard to get to the bank for her snack.  Doesn't she deserve some small recognition for her sacrifice?  I think so.

I believe that it is these small treasures...small victories, surprises, serendipitous tidbits...that make life so much fun.  Sometimes I'll even plant something...a few coins, for example...in a public spot just so someone can have the pleasure of discovering a treasure.  After all, what is life good for if we can't laugh?  I just have this one directive for you today...LOL.