I attended a conference this week, and one of the workshops was entitled Fierce Conversations. It was all about the decline of the art of conversation, and how to improve our lives by reviving it. The facilitator asked us to define Fierce, and here were some words that came up: wild, dangerous, intense. She was surprised that our definitions seemed negative, but I wasn't. She saw it as meaning free and true. While Fierce can be freeing, it can also be scary (at least to those who were raised to be polite little girls like myself). Essentially, it boiled down to this: freeing ourselves to truly connect with another person through conversation can strengthen both parties and make the world a little bit better.
Whoa. Now, I have always been taught to be polite, hold my tongue, be diplomatic, don't bother people with what I need....WAIT a minute. How old am I again? I am no longer 6 years old, for cry-eye-eye. Fierce, eh? I guess I can learn to be fiercer. The thing is, that opening up to what is authentic and true and sharing that with others and then facing the changes that will result is kinda scary to me. What if we can't be friends any longer? What if I lose/leave my job? What if what if what if?
I'm going to have to ponder this for a bit. I may pick up the book Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success in Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott.
Has anyone out there read the book? Ideas or experiences to share along these lines? I'm open and ready to listen, and maybe even to fiercely speak!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Does Not Play Well With Others
I've been away too long. Using the worn-out excuses of "no time" and "no blog ideas" I skipped a few weeks. Back to it!
I have never hosted Thanksgiving. We have always gone to a family member's home and enjoyed the holiday there. This year, I wanted to host it myself. I wanted a nice, quiet holiday with my husband, my kids, their significant others, and my dad and his wife. Small, lots of food, cozy. Everything was in place until I received a call tonight from my former sister-in-law. My ex's mother is not doing well, and I was asked if my kids could spend some time at her home on Thanksgiving (typically "my" holiday with the kids). Thanks, Universe! So...what was I to say? "Nope, too bad, I already bought $200 worth of turkey and stuffing?" Of course not. My first response was to suggest that they host their dinner a little early, and I could push mine back so the kids could do both (we all live in the same town). Sounds reasonable, right? Then, I thought about it. Hmm. My ex is not known to be reasonable when it comes to scheduling. How often has this worked? How many times have I compromised and had the plan bite me in the backside anyway? Every other time I have sat waiting, sometimes for hours, while the kids were delayed and late. Grrr, what to do?
So, I called my stepmother and told her what was going on, and that we weren't sure what time we'd be doing dinner because we were going to try to accommodate the kids visiting their grandma. She in turn said that they had heard there was a large blizzard that was supposed to hit on Thanksgiving, and they were wondering if we might want to do dinner on Friday so they wouldn't have to drive in it. AHHH! Another variable.
Gotta think. For crying out loud, the poor woman is nearing the end of her life...Thanksgiving is just a day...I like leftover turkey...and hey, Thanksgiving is about being thankful and enjoying the people around me. It isn't about requiring others to meet my perceived need to host this holiday dinner, and it certainly isn't about stressing because I'm trying to make an unworkable situation work. Would the kids be happy at my place knowing that their grandma is NOT seeing them? Would that make me happy? NO to both questions. Will anyone win if we sit around holding dinner until it gets cold and clammy, hoping they will arrive, while they stress about leaving their grandma to come to my house? Do I want my dad and his wife driving in a blizzard to get here? BAH! Game off.
So, my wonderful, wonderful husband and I talked it out. Bottom line, we want to do a big dinner on Thanksgiving, and whomever can come can come. I called everyone and told them they were free to do whatever they needed. We are doing dinner, come if and when you can, and no hard feelings. You know the funny part? There really ARE no hard feelings. I don't feel badly at all. I am totally happy stepping to the side of the whole game, not trying to play with ever-changing rules and conditions, not trying to accommodate everyone's wishes and needs, not playing!
Does not play well with others, and couldn't be happier.
I have never hosted Thanksgiving. We have always gone to a family member's home and enjoyed the holiday there. This year, I wanted to host it myself. I wanted a nice, quiet holiday with my husband, my kids, their significant others, and my dad and his wife. Small, lots of food, cozy. Everything was in place until I received a call tonight from my former sister-in-law. My ex's mother is not doing well, and I was asked if my kids could spend some time at her home on Thanksgiving (typically "my" holiday with the kids). Thanks, Universe! So...what was I to say? "Nope, too bad, I already bought $200 worth of turkey and stuffing?" Of course not. My first response was to suggest that they host their dinner a little early, and I could push mine back so the kids could do both (we all live in the same town). Sounds reasonable, right? Then, I thought about it. Hmm. My ex is not known to be reasonable when it comes to scheduling. How often has this worked? How many times have I compromised and had the plan bite me in the backside anyway? Every other time I have sat waiting, sometimes for hours, while the kids were delayed and late. Grrr, what to do?
So, I called my stepmother and told her what was going on, and that we weren't sure what time we'd be doing dinner because we were going to try to accommodate the kids visiting their grandma. She in turn said that they had heard there was a large blizzard that was supposed to hit on Thanksgiving, and they were wondering if we might want to do dinner on Friday so they wouldn't have to drive in it. AHHH! Another variable.
Gotta think. For crying out loud, the poor woman is nearing the end of her life...Thanksgiving is just a day...I like leftover turkey...and hey, Thanksgiving is about being thankful and enjoying the people around me. It isn't about requiring others to meet my perceived need to host this holiday dinner, and it certainly isn't about stressing because I'm trying to make an unworkable situation work. Would the kids be happy at my place knowing that their grandma is NOT seeing them? Would that make me happy? NO to both questions. Will anyone win if we sit around holding dinner until it gets cold and clammy, hoping they will arrive, while they stress about leaving their grandma to come to my house? Do I want my dad and his wife driving in a blizzard to get here? BAH! Game off.
So, my wonderful, wonderful husband and I talked it out. Bottom line, we want to do a big dinner on Thanksgiving, and whomever can come can come. I called everyone and told them they were free to do whatever they needed. We are doing dinner, come if and when you can, and no hard feelings. You know the funny part? There really ARE no hard feelings. I don't feel badly at all. I am totally happy stepping to the side of the whole game, not trying to play with ever-changing rules and conditions, not trying to accommodate everyone's wishes and needs, not playing!
Does not play well with others, and couldn't be happier.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Try a Little Kindness
I noticed something today. Or, rather, I questioned something. Have people lost their ability to accept kindness? I was shopping at Target, and at checkout was given a coupon for the Starbucks located in the store. Now, I am not a fan of Starbucks, not because they are a chain but because they over roast their coffee and I don’t like it. So, being nice, I offered my coupon to people standing in line for their coffee. First I offered the coupon to a man in fatigues, thinking, “Hey, people in the service deserve thanks.” He declined three times as if I were offering him a dead mouse. So I went to the next guy in line, and he gingerly took it out of my hands, frowned at it, and then mumbled, “OK.” Um…I am offering you money off something you are about to buy. Why aren’t you happy?
People are suspicious. People expect that you are in it for something, that you’re going to want something in return, that there must be some catch. Gee…I was just being nice. Are we really so cynical that we can’t just smile and say, “Wow, thank you” instead of staring blankly while we assess the perceived dark underbelly of an act of kindness?
I searched for quotes regarding accepting kindness. I found one. Just one!
One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession. --Sophocles
In accepting a kindness, we experience a moment of intimacy with the giver. I think it can be easier to show kindness, since we aren’t looking for a connection. “Hey, I’ll pick up that item the lady dropped and return it to her.” But RECEIVING kindness requires that we open ourselves to another’s act. We have to drop our guard just a bit.
During difficult moments in my life, I have found that the only way to stay sane was to accept kindness. If someone offered help, I swallowed my pride and took it. Sure, I could go it alone. Sure, I could be miserable and slog it out solo. But why should we do that? Why not acknowledge that we’re really all in this together? That means not only being the powerful giver, but the humble receiver.
So, my challenge to you and myself this week is to accept kindness when it is offered to you. You just might find that it is offered more often than you imagined. In this challenging world in which we live, kindness should never be relegated to the back of the closet, whether given or received.
People are suspicious. People expect that you are in it for something, that you’re going to want something in return, that there must be some catch. Gee…I was just being nice. Are we really so cynical that we can’t just smile and say, “Wow, thank you” instead of staring blankly while we assess the perceived dark underbelly of an act of kindness?
I searched for quotes regarding accepting kindness. I found one. Just one!
One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession. --Sophocles
In accepting a kindness, we experience a moment of intimacy with the giver. I think it can be easier to show kindness, since we aren’t looking for a connection. “Hey, I’ll pick up that item the lady dropped and return it to her.” But RECEIVING kindness requires that we open ourselves to another’s act. We have to drop our guard just a bit.
During difficult moments in my life, I have found that the only way to stay sane was to accept kindness. If someone offered help, I swallowed my pride and took it. Sure, I could go it alone. Sure, I could be miserable and slog it out solo. But why should we do that? Why not acknowledge that we’re really all in this together? That means not only being the powerful giver, but the humble receiver.
So, my challenge to you and myself this week is to accept kindness when it is offered to you. You just might find that it is offered more often than you imagined. In this challenging world in which we live, kindness should never be relegated to the back of the closet, whether given or received.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Heidel in da House
So, this past weekend we celebrated our anniversary. We actually have two anniversary dates, as we had two ceremonies (on at the end of September and another at the end of October). Due to this fact, we generally celebrate the entire month of October as our anniversary. I am one of those rare women who cannot tell you either of the dates without looking them up, so lucky hubby only has to remember a month. Well, Friday night we saw Bobbie McDuffie perform Vivaldi’s Four Seasons along with the American Four Seasons/Violin Concerto No. 2 by Philip Glass, a piece written specifically for Bobbie. My niece attends McDuffie’s school for strings in Georgia, and he was so gracious to us after the concert. Amazing, amazing, amazing. http://americanfourseasons.com/
On Saturday, we headed to the Heidel House Resort on Green Lake to enjoy a lodging/dinner/breakfast package. Very highly recommend this place. The décor is nice, beautiful setting on the lake surrounded by trees, excellent food…and only 1 ½ hours from home. Perfect for a quick getaway (their motto used to be “Run away and Heidel”). We packed evening clothes – a long gown for me and snazzy suit for hubby – and were ready to launch full-bore into the festivities.
It was Oktoberfest weekend at the resort, and we laughed, enjoyed polka music, watched the Klement’s sausage team race (go Chorizo!) and we drank fresh beer from a Madison brewery. The beer was unfiltered, tasty, rich, and…made us sick. So, just a few hours into our getaway we were in our room incapacitated. I’ll spare the details, but suffice it to say we never made it to dinner.
The next morning, feeling a bit better, we had a great buffet breakfast and pondered the schedule for the day. It was pouring rain outside so we forewent the hike through the woods, and decided to just head home. Were we down about the fact that our plans had crashed? Surprisingly, no! We both had had so much fun in the few hours prior to illness, and enjoyed just being together without the distractions of home and work, that we still considered the weekend a success.
It occurred to me that sometimes we set ourselves up by having expectations. It would have been easy to have high expectations of a fancy dinner and romantic weekend, which would have been dashed by our illness. Instead, we just wanted some time together in a fun setting, so we were OK when things went a little south. In general, I have found that expectations make you more unhappy than happy. If you don’t have expectations, you don’t have disappointment. Now, sometimes simple expectations are fine. At work, I expect that the receptionist will let me know when someone calls for me. On the highway, I expect that drivers will stay in their lanes (but I don’t always trust that they will---another matter). But when it comes to matters of the heart, family, friends and the like, expectations tend to open the door to bitterness or resentment. Hey, we’re all pretty flawed human beings, so we really shouldn’t expect too much from one another. Let’s cut each other some slack! Enjoy time together without thinking that it should be…fill in the blank. This week I encouage you to have fun, stop worrying about the past/future/what-ifs, and just be together in this messy stew we call life.
Life is a matter of passing the time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them. - Peter Cook, English comedian
On Saturday, we headed to the Heidel House Resort on Green Lake to enjoy a lodging/dinner/breakfast package. Very highly recommend this place. The décor is nice, beautiful setting on the lake surrounded by trees, excellent food…and only 1 ½ hours from home. Perfect for a quick getaway (their motto used to be “Run away and Heidel”). We packed evening clothes – a long gown for me and snazzy suit for hubby – and were ready to launch full-bore into the festivities.
It was Oktoberfest weekend at the resort, and we laughed, enjoyed polka music, watched the Klement’s sausage team race (go Chorizo!) and we drank fresh beer from a Madison brewery. The beer was unfiltered, tasty, rich, and…made us sick. So, just a few hours into our getaway we were in our room incapacitated. I’ll spare the details, but suffice it to say we never made it to dinner.
The next morning, feeling a bit better, we had a great buffet breakfast and pondered the schedule for the day. It was pouring rain outside so we forewent the hike through the woods, and decided to just head home. Were we down about the fact that our plans had crashed? Surprisingly, no! We both had had so much fun in the few hours prior to illness, and enjoyed just being together without the distractions of home and work, that we still considered the weekend a success.
It occurred to me that sometimes we set ourselves up by having expectations. It would have been easy to have high expectations of a fancy dinner and romantic weekend, which would have been dashed by our illness. Instead, we just wanted some time together in a fun setting, so we were OK when things went a little south. In general, I have found that expectations make you more unhappy than happy. If you don’t have expectations, you don’t have disappointment. Now, sometimes simple expectations are fine. At work, I expect that the receptionist will let me know when someone calls for me. On the highway, I expect that drivers will stay in their lanes (but I don’t always trust that they will---another matter). But when it comes to matters of the heart, family, friends and the like, expectations tend to open the door to bitterness or resentment. Hey, we’re all pretty flawed human beings, so we really shouldn’t expect too much from one another. Let’s cut each other some slack! Enjoy time together without thinking that it should be…fill in the blank. This week I encouage you to have fun, stop worrying about the past/future/what-ifs, and just be together in this messy stew we call life.
Life is a matter of passing the time enjoyably. There may be other things in life, but I've been too busy passing my time enjoyably to think very deeply about them. - Peter Cook, English comedian
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Antsy Pantsy
OK, why is it that we humans love drama so much? Even those of us who purport to hate drama in fact look for it anyway. Case in point: I was out of work from January through August, finally found a job that I really like and look forward to each day, everything is peachy, so of course I'm thinking, "Hey, wouldn't now be a good time to move to New Zealand?" Um, wait, what?
You see, hubbie visited N-Zed (zed is New Zealandese for Z) some years ago and wants to move there at some point. It comes up in conversation every so often. But, with his plays, movies, etc. and my ever-unhappy job situations there was never time to consider it for realz. So, now that things are moving along swimmingly, we both like our jobs, his recently produced play was a hit...NOW is the time to shake it all up?! I'm crazy.
Those of you who know me understand that I've had my share of ups and even more downs. Struggled just to keep it all going through the storm. Wasn't peace the goal? Doesn't peace mean lack of stress? Isn't moving across the world a little stressful, girl?!
Well, sure. But now that things are going well, I find myself with the mental space and freedom to let myself dream a little bit. I always wanted to be a National Geographic-type adventurer, seeing new places and exotic peoples. Exploring new landscapes, climbing hills and running through dales...it is easy to forego those thoughts when you're just trying to pay the bills. It's really easy to become myopic and see nothing but the next paycheck, leaves in the gutters, dirty laundry, family commitments, and all that jazz. I'd like to just cut those earthly strings for a moment and be the intrepid adventurer. I mean, LOOK at this photo! We could have a city apartment and a cabin in the wild with a cute little goat and vineyards and an olive tree and clear blue streams everywhere and mountains and...and...and...
Well, it's OK to dream and remind ourselves of how we saw the world as children. One big adventure, which it truly is. As we grow up we tend to appreciate safety more, I guess. "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." -- Andre Gidde (Nobel laureate)
It takes courage to be an adventurer, and safety can't be assured once you embark on a journey. But maybe by surrounding ourselves with people who make us feel safe, we can regain that sense of adventure. So this week give yourself permission to dream a bit, as if you were still a child, and share what you discover. Also, remember what George Eliot said, "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
Be it!
You see, hubbie visited N-Zed (zed is New Zealandese for Z) some years ago and wants to move there at some point. It comes up in conversation every so often. But, with his plays, movies, etc. and my ever-unhappy job situations there was never time to consider it for realz. So, now that things are moving along swimmingly, we both like our jobs, his recently produced play was a hit...NOW is the time to shake it all up?! I'm crazy.
Well, sure. But now that things are going well, I find myself with the mental space and freedom to let myself dream a little bit. I always wanted to be a National Geographic-type adventurer, seeing new places and exotic peoples. Exploring new landscapes, climbing hills and running through dales...it is easy to forego those thoughts when you're just trying to pay the bills. It's really easy to become myopic and see nothing but the next paycheck, leaves in the gutters, dirty laundry, family commitments, and all that jazz. I'd like to just cut those earthly strings for a moment and be the intrepid adventurer. I mean, LOOK at this photo! We could have a city apartment and a cabin in the wild with a cute little goat and vineyards and an olive tree and clear blue streams everywhere and mountains and...and...and...
Well, it's OK to dream and remind ourselves of how we saw the world as children. One big adventure, which it truly is. As we grow up we tend to appreciate safety more, I guess. "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." -- Andre Gidde (Nobel laureate)
It takes courage to be an adventurer, and safety can't be assured once you embark on a journey. But maybe by surrounding ourselves with people who make us feel safe, we can regain that sense of adventure. So this week give yourself permission to dream a bit, as if you were still a child, and share what you discover. Also, remember what George Eliot said, "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
Be it!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Skillz dat thrillz
'Ever notice how easy it is to be surprised that you actually know something that not everyone else knows? Like, for example, I always assume that EVERYONE knows that California will not slide into the ocean, but rather will travel north to Alaska..(go north, the rush is on). Or that resumes don't require complete sentences, but rather bullet points.
I bring up this second point because in my new capacity as Director of Career Services (duhn duhn DUHN) I have occasion to review resumes on a regular basis. This job is very good at helping me realize that we all need a little help assessing ourselves. Now, I know, before you say it, that I've already covered this topic. But this is different, I swear! Well, sort of different. This is not just about being honest with ourselves, but more about seeing ourselves in a different light.
Enter young woman, recent high school graduate, who wants to apply for a job as receptionist at a chiropractic clinic. She's just 18, uncertain of herself, going into massage therapy and hoping to help people. After a few meetings, she produces her draft resume and we sit down to polish it. Mostly she has experience in fast food and retail, but not too bad for her age. She lists her skills as being friendly and accurate. At the bottom of her resume she lists "other activities." Me: "Oh, I see you have some high school clubs listed...German Club, Spanish Club, Sign Language Club." Student: "Oh, yes. Sign language is my first language as my mom is an interpreter. I am fluent in German and speak a little Spanish." Ok. "WHY ARE THESE NOT AT THE TOP OF YOUR SKILLS LIST?" I scream, nicely. It had never occurred to her that things she took for granted were unusual, desirable, and could very well make the difference between an employer hiring her or someone else.
So again, the question...why don't we see these things about ourselves? I'm always amazed when someone I know points out how great it is that I know something, when it is something I just know so therefore don't value. Wait, what? Why should I not value what I know? It's in my brain, after all. Why don't I value what skills/knowledge/quirks that I have? Why do I hide my light under a bushel? A bushel of apples?! (I like apples)
I bring up this second point because in my new capacity as Director of Career Services (duhn duhn DUHN) I have occasion to review resumes on a regular basis. This job is very good at helping me realize that we all need a little help assessing ourselves. Now, I know, before you say it, that I've already covered this topic. But this is different, I swear! Well, sort of different. This is not just about being honest with ourselves, but more about seeing ourselves in a different light.
Enter young woman, recent high school graduate, who wants to apply for a job as receptionist at a chiropractic clinic. She's just 18, uncertain of herself, going into massage therapy and hoping to help people. After a few meetings, she produces her draft resume and we sit down to polish it. Mostly she has experience in fast food and retail, but not too bad for her age. She lists her skills as being friendly and accurate. At the bottom of her resume she lists "other activities." Me: "Oh, I see you have some high school clubs listed...German Club, Spanish Club, Sign Language Club." Student: "Oh, yes. Sign language is my first language as my mom is an interpreter. I am fluent in German and speak a little Spanish." Ok. "WHY ARE THESE NOT AT THE TOP OF YOUR SKILLS LIST?" I scream, nicely. It had never occurred to her that things she took for granted were unusual, desirable, and could very well make the difference between an employer hiring her or someone else.
So again, the question...why don't we see these things about ourselves? I'm always amazed when someone I know points out how great it is that I know something, when it is something I just know so therefore don't value. Wait, what? Why should I not value what I know? It's in my brain, after all. Why don't I value what skills/knowledge/quirks that I have? Why do I hide my light under a bushel? A bushel of apples?! (I like apples)
I found a great quote, even though it comes from a dubious source. (Hey, I'll take a tiny piece of wisdom from a giant pile of hooey over just a pile of fluff any day.) Harry Palmer is a Scientologist, so I will say no more on that account, but this quote is still worthwhile..."You are much deeper, much broader, much brighter than any idea you could have of yourself."
I'm giving a new assignment. This week, ask someone you trust to tell you one thing about yourself that they find unique. Something that makes you YOU, something that your friends and colleagues value. Doesn't have to be mind-blowingly amazing stuff. Anything that makes us unique is important, and we should be aware of it! Celebrate it! Share it here! I'll do the same, and maybe after this week we can all eat a giant apple pie and put away the bushel for good.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Packers and pumpkins
Sunday is the best. This is the one day of the week wherein my husband and I can actually rest and relax. As many of you know, hubby dear is involved with a number of entertainment projects. Said projects involve him meeting with his co-creators and minions several nights a week. Along with my new job, which requires regular evening hours and attending events, we have a hectic schedule. Don't get me wrong. Our life is terrific. But restful? Not often!
This is why Sunday is so nice. We sleep late. We have a huge, diet-blowing breakfast with bacon, eggs, buttered English muffins, cinnamon rolls, coffee, and the Sunday paper. (We like to get our saturated fat requirements out of the way for the week.) And now, it is PACKER SEASON! A time where we feel we are actually doing our patriotic duty as Wisconsinites by sitting on our tushes and just watching a game. We can shout and cheer and sip beer and shake our fists. Today the game was especially ugly.
At halftime we strolled a half-block to the farm stand to pick up some decorations for our house. The stand is staffed during the summer, but in the fall the farmer just puts his wares on a big wagon. A rusted tackle box with a slit cut in the top, bolted to the wagon, serves as cashier. We pick out our pumpkins, some gourds, and a hay bale and haul them back to the house.
Sunday is also the day where we prepare for the week. We might take some time to chop vegetables for quick dinners, make lunches, finish up laundry, and make any shopping lists or notes. It is our time to simply enjoy time together and be in our lives without a lot of activity. We often will even take a nap.
I know people, friends of mine, who have great difficulty resting. They feel that they must be constantly working. But if we're working all the time on our own agendas, what might we be missing? What gifts are being offered that we are blind to? Like today, when hubby was chuckling at the squirrel who was walking down the middle of the sidewalk like a person, rather than scampering through the yard. Gift. Or the way the clear blue sky shone through the golden leaves and black branches of the maple tree as we walked to the grocery store. Gift.
Wayne Muller writes in his book (highly recommended) Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal and Delight in Our Busy Lives, "If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception very far to see that Sabbath time – effortless, nourishing rest – can invite a healing of this violence. When we consecrate a time to listen to the still, small voices, we remember the root of inner wisdom that makes work fruitful. We remember from where we are most deeply nourished, and see more clearly the shape and texture of the people and things before us."
Goal for this week: find five or ten minutes of Sabbath time each day. A moment to breathe, look around, accept the gifts offered, and be grateful! Life is good.
This is why Sunday is so nice. We sleep late. We have a huge, diet-blowing breakfast with bacon, eggs, buttered English muffins, cinnamon rolls, coffee, and the Sunday paper. (We like to get our saturated fat requirements out of the way for the week.) And now, it is PACKER SEASON! A time where we feel we are actually doing our patriotic duty as Wisconsinites by sitting on our tushes and just watching a game. We can shout and cheer and sip beer and shake our fists. Today the game was especially ugly.
At halftime we strolled a half-block to the farm stand to pick up some decorations for our house. The stand is staffed during the summer, but in the fall the farmer just puts his wares on a big wagon. A rusted tackle box with a slit cut in the top, bolted to the wagon, serves as cashier. We pick out our pumpkins, some gourds, and a hay bale and haul them back to the house.
Sunday is also the day where we prepare for the week. We might take some time to chop vegetables for quick dinners, make lunches, finish up laundry, and make any shopping lists or notes. It is our time to simply enjoy time together and be in our lives without a lot of activity. We often will even take a nap.
I know people, friends of mine, who have great difficulty resting. They feel that they must be constantly working. But if we're working all the time on our own agendas, what might we be missing? What gifts are being offered that we are blind to? Like today, when hubby was chuckling at the squirrel who was walking down the middle of the sidewalk like a person, rather than scampering through the yard. Gift. Or the way the clear blue sky shone through the golden leaves and black branches of the maple tree as we walked to the grocery store. Gift.
Goal for this week: find five or ten minutes of Sabbath time each day. A moment to breathe, look around, accept the gifts offered, and be grateful! Life is good.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Fall Forgiveness
I've been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately. This is something that is not easy for many people, and can even make them angry to consider. I guess this post is a call-back to last week, and our tendency to fear. Forgiveness can help with fear, in my experience.
There was an article in the newspaper about two police officers who had been shot in the face at close range by a psychotic teen. Horrible. They lived and are back working in the force, but are not the same. One in particular said he now knows that no-one can be trusted. The other day the paper also related the story of some men who went into a Culver's openly carrying their handguns (which is legal). Patrons became nervous, police were called, and eventually the men were fined for disturbing the peace. When interviewed, they said that you never know when someone is going to beat your head in, so you should be prepared.
(I generally refuse to read much of the paper, not surprisingly.)
This week a number of friends were relaying their dismay and anger regarding incidents that for them recalled past harms they had experienced, even though the new incidents didn't touch them directly. Totally human response. I know that there are certain things that will clearly, if briefly, send me mentally back to past fears and hurts as if I'm experiencing them all over again, with the same dangers and threats. There is little worse than thinking you are over something and then finding that some minor incident throws you right back into your previous state of mind. I've worked for many years to overcome specific traumas, fears, and worries. It is a practice, like meditation. Never quite achieve perfection, but gets a little better each time I succeed.
For me, forgiveness was and is key. Now, my husband and I disagree on this point. He feels that some things and people should not be forgiven, and that you can move on with your life without forgiving. I disagree. I understand what he is saying, and intellectually it even makes some sense. But, for me, I was never able to move on until I forgave.
I believe that letting go and forgiveness go hand in hand. I'm not excusing what has happened, not condoning evil or harm, not saying, "Hey, that's fine and dandy!" I'm removing my attachment and feelings toward that act or person, and releasing the tie that binds me to the ill.
My good buddy the Dalia Lama has much to say on this, and I'm right there with him. http://www.emotionalawareness.net/transcript.html
The funny thing about forgiveness in my experience, is that you have to forgive twofold. First, you forgive the person or act or whatever it is that caused you harm. Second, you forgive yourself for being there to be hurt, allowing yourself to be hurt, not doing something sooner, not doing anything at all, not being better, not being smarter, etc. That's the toughie. It doesn't help that many ignorant people say things like, "I'd never put up with that," or "I'd never let that happen to me." Gee, thanks. Guess I'm just stupid. (expletives come to mind)
Wow. Forgiving myself is not easy. I'm intelligent, educated, blah blah blah. How could I let myself get into that situation? Why didn't I see sooner? Here come the accusatory questions again. Breathe. We are all human and we do the best that we can. We have reasons and motives that keep us doing what we're doing, cause us to choose the friends and associates we have, lead us to decisions made. Bottom line...it's OK.
Forgiveness feels really good to the forgiver. To heck with the forgivee. Once I've forgiven someone, they usually are essentially a blank to me. The negative feelings go away, the triggers go away, the hot buttons go away, and I don't have to live in fear of being struck from behind by a memory. To me that's peace, and worth every penny.
There was an article in the newspaper about two police officers who had been shot in the face at close range by a psychotic teen. Horrible. They lived and are back working in the force, but are not the same. One in particular said he now knows that no-one can be trusted. The other day the paper also related the story of some men who went into a Culver's openly carrying their handguns (which is legal). Patrons became nervous, police were called, and eventually the men were fined for disturbing the peace. When interviewed, they said that you never know when someone is going to beat your head in, so you should be prepared.
(I generally refuse to read much of the paper, not surprisingly.)
This week a number of friends were relaying their dismay and anger regarding incidents that for them recalled past harms they had experienced, even though the new incidents didn't touch them directly. Totally human response. I know that there are certain things that will clearly, if briefly, send me mentally back to past fears and hurts as if I'm experiencing them all over again, with the same dangers and threats. There is little worse than thinking you are over something and then finding that some minor incident throws you right back into your previous state of mind. I've worked for many years to overcome specific traumas, fears, and worries. It is a practice, like meditation. Never quite achieve perfection, but gets a little better each time I succeed.
I believe that letting go and forgiveness go hand in hand. I'm not excusing what has happened, not condoning evil or harm, not saying, "Hey, that's fine and dandy!" I'm removing my attachment and feelings toward that act or person, and releasing the tie that binds me to the ill.
My good buddy the Dalia Lama has much to say on this, and I'm right there with him. http://www.emotionalawareness.net/transcript.html
The funny thing about forgiveness in my experience, is that you have to forgive twofold. First, you forgive the person or act or whatever it is that caused you harm. Second, you forgive yourself for being there to be hurt, allowing yourself to be hurt, not doing something sooner, not doing anything at all, not being better, not being smarter, etc. That's the toughie. It doesn't help that many ignorant people say things like, "I'd never put up with that," or "I'd never let that happen to me." Gee, thanks. Guess I'm just stupid. (expletives come to mind)
Wow. Forgiving myself is not easy. I'm intelligent, educated, blah blah blah. How could I let myself get into that situation? Why didn't I see sooner? Here come the accusatory questions again. Breathe. We are all human and we do the best that we can. We have reasons and motives that keep us doing what we're doing, cause us to choose the friends and associates we have, lead us to decisions made. Bottom line...it's OK.
Forgiveness feels really good to the forgiver. To heck with the forgivee. Once I've forgiven someone, they usually are essentially a blank to me. The negative feelings go away, the triggers go away, the hot buttons go away, and I don't have to live in fear of being struck from behind by a memory. To me that's peace, and worth every penny.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Change of perspective
Reading the Sunday paper is always a mixed blessing for me. I love the funnies, travel section, and local stories. I don't love the endless woes in places both near and far. There are troubles, environmental issues, children's futures to worry about. Or, are there?
There is no doubt that life has its downside. I've been there, and so have all of you. I hear people upset about the state of the world, shouting that we must change it or everything will crash down upon us. Well, of course things need to change. But, couldn't we try to improve the world from a position of gratefulness and joy rather than fear? What I'm saying is that, if we really enjoy what we have and appreciate it every day, we'll want to keep things that way. Help them get better, even. Can we really make the world a better place by hating how it is now?
I know that for myself, if I have a task that I dislike, something that makes me cringe to remember it needs doing, that I'm much more likely to procrastinate and do nothing than if it is something I enjoy. The things I'm good at, happy about, and grateful for rise to the top of my to-do list every time. It just stands to reason that bigger issues fall into the same pattern.
I propose that we all stop for a minute and think of all the things we're thankful for. Things that make life worth living. Then, let's see how we can make even more things for which to be grateful, and help others do the same. Seems that approach is much more sustainable than being afraid and stressed.
So, today, enjoy, thank, and spread the good word. Take everything good in this world and multiply it in your own small way. Then, things will change!
There is no doubt that life has its downside. I've been there, and so have all of you. I hear people upset about the state of the world, shouting that we must change it or everything will crash down upon us. Well, of course things need to change. But, couldn't we try to improve the world from a position of gratefulness and joy rather than fear? What I'm saying is that, if we really enjoy what we have and appreciate it every day, we'll want to keep things that way. Help them get better, even. Can we really make the world a better place by hating how it is now?
I know that for myself, if I have a task that I dislike, something that makes me cringe to remember it needs doing, that I'm much more likely to procrastinate and do nothing than if it is something I enjoy. The things I'm good at, happy about, and grateful for rise to the top of my to-do list every time. It just stands to reason that bigger issues fall into the same pattern.
I propose that we all stop for a minute and think of all the things we're thankful for. Things that make life worth living. Then, let's see how we can make even more things for which to be grateful, and help others do the same. Seems that approach is much more sustainable than being afraid and stressed.
So, today, enjoy, thank, and spread the good word. Take everything good in this world and multiply it in your own small way. Then, things will change!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Cheeser weezer
I have cheese on the mind. I am a Wisconsin girl, after all. But for some reason, this week cheese rules.
Yesterday, at work, we managers cooked breakfast for the staff. I was in charge of eggs. Now, I don't know about you, but for me scrambled eggs = 50% eggs + 50% cheese. My eggs were very popular. I cooked three dozen and could not keep up with demand. Several people came back for seconds, and one young woman stopped back on her way to her desk and just, get this, spooned the eggs into her hand. Again, you heard right. She didn't even bother grabbing a plate, just put a spoonful into her hand and ate it like that. Now, that is a compliment!
Earlier this week I made the trip across town to Steve's http://www.stevesknows.com/, a wine/liquor shop where they also have a wonderful selection of cheeses. You see, I had a coupon from Groupon, and was eager to splurge. I ended up with a delicious Italian salami, some smoked gouda (quickly becoming my favorite of all time), and a brie with bleu cheese veins. Yum. Today I am obsessed with manteche (top), which is provolone filled with butter, and burrata (bottom), which is mozzarella filled with cream. Yes, you heard right. I must have these cheeses. Then I will be complete.
That same day I went to a fancy chocolate shop, DB Infusion Chocolates http://www.infusionchocolates.com/. Now, their treats are incredibly beautiful. Glorious colors, shiny, interesting flavor combinations. Make a great impression. The two I tasted were a Thai peanut butter, which was like a peanut butter cup with Thai curry flavors. The next one was dark chocolate with infusion of bleu cheese, fig balsamic vinegar (another favorite of mine), pear, and hickory nuts. Mm. For appearance and WOW, these chocolates are the thang, man. But, my favorite chocolatier is still Gail Ambrosius http://gailambrosius.com/. Gail is the best for three main reasons: 1. She has the best name imaginable for a chocolatier, 2. She used to be a cartographer (the geographer in me will never die), and 3. Her chocolates draw me into a whole different state of mind. Seriously, her truffles are almost a mind-altering experience. I actually will cut her chocolates into four pieces, since my poor, mortal mind is nearly completely overwhelmed if I eat a whole one all at once. The textures, flavors, and...I don't know. She just totally GETS it. Her truffles are an experience, not just a treat. I cannot eat one without closing my eyes and feeling the world rush away, just for a moment. So...go online or to her shop in east Madison and see for yourself.
Oh, now, where was I? Well, cheese and chocolate are in the same category. Life's little pleasures. Those things that cost very little yet yield so much. In my book, that makes them among the most important things in life. Read my book, people...it's pretty good! I entreat you!
Yesterday, at work, we managers cooked breakfast for the staff. I was in charge of eggs. Now, I don't know about you, but for me scrambled eggs = 50% eggs + 50% cheese. My eggs were very popular. I cooked three dozen and could not keep up with demand. Several people came back for seconds, and one young woman stopped back on her way to her desk and just, get this, spooned the eggs into her hand. Again, you heard right. She didn't even bother grabbing a plate, just put a spoonful into her hand and ate it like that. Now, that is a compliment!Earlier this week I made the trip across town to Steve's http://www.stevesknows.com/, a wine/liquor shop where they also have a wonderful selection of cheeses. You see, I had a coupon from Groupon, and was eager to splurge. I ended up with a delicious Italian salami, some smoked gouda (quickly becoming my favorite of all time), and a brie with bleu cheese veins. Yum. Today I am obsessed with manteche (top), which is provolone filled with butter, and burrata (bottom), which is mozzarella filled with cream. Yes, you heard right. I must have these cheeses. Then I will be complete.
That same day I went to a fancy chocolate shop, DB Infusion Chocolates http://www.infusionchocolates.com/. Now, their treats are incredibly beautiful. Glorious colors, shiny, interesting flavor combinations. Make a great impression. The two I tasted were a Thai peanut butter, which was like a peanut butter cup with Thai curry flavors. The next one was dark chocolate with infusion of bleu cheese, fig balsamic vinegar (another favorite of mine), pear, and hickory nuts. Mm. For appearance and WOW, these chocolates are the thang, man. But, my favorite chocolatier is still Gail Ambrosius http://gailambrosius.com/. Gail is the best for three main reasons: 1. She has the best name imaginable for a chocolatier, 2. She used to be a cartographer (the geographer in me will never die), and 3. Her chocolates draw me into a whole different state of mind. Seriously, her truffles are almost a mind-altering experience. I actually will cut her chocolates into four pieces, since my poor, mortal mind is nearly completely overwhelmed if I eat a whole one all at once. The textures, flavors, and...I don't know. She just totally GETS it. Her truffles are an experience, not just a treat. I cannot eat one without closing my eyes and feeling the world rush away, just for a moment. So...go online or to her shop in east Madison and see for yourself.
Oh, now, where was I? Well, cheese and chocolate are in the same category. Life's little pleasures. Those things that cost very little yet yield so much. In my book, that makes them among the most important things in life. Read my book, people...it's pretty good! I entreat you!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Bittersweet -- what the heck is that about?
Have just finished a tasty, fancy chocolate: pear, fig balsamic vinegar, bleu cheese, hazelnut. I like dark chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, and even milk chocolate if it is the good stuff. I like the odd mix of sour, tart, bitter, and sweet. And yes, chocolate is like life (not the other way around, as chocolate reigns supreme in my mind).
I have started my new, dream job, and I'm really happy. Well, it is my current dream job. Dreams change, as we all know, and sometimes you just have to say, "Fine, this is my dream NOW so I'm just going to bleepin' GO WITH IT and quit worrying about if it is THE DREAM or not. Sheesh."
I have a beautiful friend who is facing some not-so-easy times right now. The bitter times versus the sweet. Key words there...bitter now versus sweet earlier. Wait, wasn't there also a time when things were EVEN WORSE than they are now? Hmmm...probably. Yeah, come to think of it. Well, doesn't make now any easier, but maybe it could. Hmm.
The other night hubby and I watched Darby O'Gill and the Little People. This is an awesome old movie, and if you haven't seen it you must. Stars a very young and virile Sean Connery, SINGING.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTwmjOySDjA
Anyhoo, there is a scene in the movie where Darby, the old-timer who talks to the leprechauns, is trying to decide what wishes to make now that he has caught the leprechaun king. King Brian tells him to hurry up and wish for gold like everyone does. But Darby says, "What good is gold if a man be too sick, or too sad to enjoy it?" Well said, Darby. At another point in the movie, Darby relays his stories to friends in the pub. One tells him to wish for happiness. Darby's answer? "People need the bitter with the sweet."
This is the point in the blog where I amaze you with my arcane and esoteric knowledge, as well as my ability to find connections where none exist. I mean, to find meaningful connections. The movie is based on stories by one Herminie Templeton Kavanagh. The title of her book? The Ashes of Old Wishes And Other Darby O'Gill Tales. Wow. There is food for thought.
Maybe we could allow the ashes of our old wishes to just lie there. They were once THE DREAM, the wish, the everything. It was great. It was all-encompassing. It was going to last forever. But it didn't. And, you know, that is OK. Ashes nourish the soil. Rich soil grows all sorts of things. Final thought?
Don't bother looking for the greener grass when you're already on the side of the fence with the flowers.
Be happy, dear friend, and dear friends, and be ready for the sweet when it returns.
I have started my new, dream job, and I'm really happy. Well, it is my current dream job. Dreams change, as we all know, and sometimes you just have to say, "Fine, this is my dream NOW so I'm just going to bleepin' GO WITH IT and quit worrying about if it is THE DREAM or not. Sheesh."
I have a beautiful friend who is facing some not-so-easy times right now. The bitter times versus the sweet. Key words there...bitter now versus sweet earlier. Wait, wasn't there also a time when things were EVEN WORSE than they are now? Hmmm...probably. Yeah, come to think of it. Well, doesn't make now any easier, but maybe it could. Hmm.
The other night hubby and I watched Darby O'Gill and the Little People. This is an awesome old movie, and if you haven't seen it you must. Stars a very young and virile Sean Connery, SINGING.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTwmjOySDjA
Anyhoo, there is a scene in the movie where Darby, the old-timer who talks to the leprechauns, is trying to decide what wishes to make now that he has caught the leprechaun king. King Brian tells him to hurry up and wish for gold like everyone does. But Darby says, "What good is gold if a man be too sick, or too sad to enjoy it?" Well said, Darby. At another point in the movie, Darby relays his stories to friends in the pub. One tells him to wish for happiness. Darby's answer? "People need the bitter with the sweet."
This is the point in the blog where I amaze you with my arcane and esoteric knowledge, as well as my ability to find connections where none exist. I mean, to find meaningful connections. The movie is based on stories by one Herminie Templeton Kavanagh. The title of her book? The Ashes of Old Wishes And Other Darby O'Gill Tales. Wow. There is food for thought.
Maybe we could allow the ashes of our old wishes to just lie there. They were once THE DREAM, the wish, the everything. It was great. It was all-encompassing. It was going to last forever. But it didn't. And, you know, that is OK. Ashes nourish the soil. Rich soil grows all sorts of things. Final thought?
Don't bother looking for the greener grass when you're already on the side of the fence with the flowers.
Be happy, dear friend, and dear friends, and be ready for the sweet when it returns.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Cooler Near the Lake, Part III
Boy, it was cold in the night. Glad the cabin had extra blankets. Hot shower, ate the yogurt and cereal I brought for breakfast, made coffee, headed out. Check out and hit the road. Fortunately, I didn't have to travel far. The Lake is always there. In years past, I would spend so much time driving farther up the Shore. Drive drive drive to get as far North as I could. Now, I rest just outside the main city (although the cabins are technically in Duluth, you'd never know it). There are so many places to stop and clamber down to the shore. There is a water plant on the Lake, where they have an artesian well. It's just a pipe stuck in the ground, with a spigot, and I always stop at least once to fill a water bottle here. Then, just a few miles towards the city, there is a lovely park...KitcheeGamee. As some of you may know, kitcheegamee, gitchee gumi, etc. are Ojibwe/Anishinabee names for Lake Superior. You might like to read Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's Song of Hiawatha sometime. Anyway, this is a great park with a long shoreline. Sipped my coffee, called hubby (who also loves the Lake) and gathered stones as I always do. Breathed in the lake air, rested on the boulders, and said "thank you for being here, now farewell."
Wanted to stop at a cafe on my way out of town to blog, but the one I stopped at had no wifi. Still, Va Bene, Berarducci's Caffee was worth the visit. I'd never been here before, but would love to go back for dinner sometime. The decor is lovely, and there is a back "porch" with an amazing Lake view. The waiter, Joel, was gracious and well-mannered. He moved back to Duluth from Omaha where he attended school because he missed the geography. I have met other young people like him here in past travels...something about the Lake draws them back. Like me. We had a chat, I drank some coffee, had some soup, and headed out.
There is a park in northern Wisconsin called Interstate State Park. I have wanted to go there for years. It is at the westernmost terminus of the Ice Age Trail (I used to work for them) and has interesting features. The things I wanted to see most were the potholes. These are features left from when the area was flooded after the glaciers receded. Small or large boulders would be caught in whirling currents near the bottom of the glacial lake, and would grind their way into the bedrock. This created round holes, tunnels, and the like. Really neat stuff for a geography nerd like myself.
I hiked the pothole trail, overlooking the St. Croix River. Rocky cliffs, evergreens, rainy and windy...this is the North I love! Stopped to eat the Cajun Finn sandwich I'd bought on my way out of Duluth (forgot to mention this, did I? The Northern Waters Smokehaus at DeWitt Seitz marketplace at Canal Park is amazing...) Cajun Finn is cajun smoked salmon, scallion cream cheese, pepperoncini, and roasted red peppers on ciabatta...oh...my...goodness. Anyhoo, ate my sandwich while enjoying the view, then realized I still had 4+ hours of travel time, so time to head home. sigh
What more can be said? Headed home to hubby, house, and new job. Grateful for everything, and taking the Lake with me wherever I go. Until next year...well, maybe sooner.
Wanted to stop at a cafe on my way out of town to blog, but the one I stopped at had no wifi. Still, Va Bene, Berarducci's Caffee was worth the visit. I'd never been here before, but would love to go back for dinner sometime. The decor is lovely, and there is a back "porch" with an amazing Lake view. The waiter, Joel, was gracious and well-mannered. He moved back to Duluth from Omaha where he attended school because he missed the geography. I have met other young people like him here in past travels...something about the Lake draws them back. Like me. We had a chat, I drank some coffee, had some soup, and headed out.
There is a park in northern Wisconsin called Interstate State Park. I have wanted to go there for years. It is at the westernmost terminus of the Ice Age Trail (I used to work for them) and has interesting features. The things I wanted to see most were the potholes. These are features left from when the area was flooded after the glaciers receded. Small or large boulders would be caught in whirling currents near the bottom of the glacial lake, and would grind their way into the bedrock. This created round holes, tunnels, and the like. Really neat stuff for a geography nerd like myself.
Cooler Near the Lake Part II
So, here I am at Sir Bennie's. The locals call it Sir Ben's, but we always called it Sir Bennie's so there you are. This is a must-visit place if you are ever in Duluth. This place and The Lake are the two reasons I consider it worthwhile to drive 5+ hours each way for a one-night stay.
I have been coming to this place for nearly thirty years. Yes, you read that right. It has only been open for thirty, so I'm an old-timer here even though I only visit once a year. Anyhoo...menu has not changed substantially which says a lot for this place. It is still current and tasty and cheap. I order an avocado and bacon sandwich with all the fixin's, a cup of soup, and settle in. The sandwich is so good...the bacon is thick-cut and crumbled, not strips, so it is chewy and man, so tasty. The place is now owned by an Italian family, so they also offer Italian specialties. Next time I may try those, but with only one dinner out this trip, I go with the sentimental sandwich. (They have a great sandwich called the Sir Melt, which is open-faced with a huge pile of fresh veggies, cheese on top and broiled...really tasty) http://sirbens.com/
I sit at the same table each time...the one set up against the trophy case full of t-shirts. Of course, since this is me, people feel the need to come up and talk to me. This is OK with me, and part of the whole deal. My table has four chairs, and as the musicians start to trickle in, chairs become scarce. An older fellow named Mike sat with me for a long while, talking about the musicians in the group. Mike is a regular attendee on the folk music scene in Duluth, and kept encouraging me to stop in for Chick Jam, Old-time Country Jam, etc. I kept reminding him that I live 5+ hours away but he was undeterred. Then skinny Tom, the bodhran player, regaled me with his pretty-good fake Irish accent, asking me to use my computer to book him a flight to Cork. We visited off and on throughout the evening.
Mike headed out, and a lovely lady named Fran came to sit with me. She was perhaps in her 50s, with the complexion and attitude of a young girl. She was delightful, and we talked about music, life, and many things. One of the gems we find when we open ourselves up to receiving them.
After about four hours of visiting and listening to music, it was time to head back to the cottage. I forget how dark night really is...I live in a small town but there is still ambient light from nearby cities. The road to my place was startlingly dark...black as black. A lone freighter floated in the distance, its lights standing out in the darkness. Yes...again, this is why I come here.
I have been coming to this place for nearly thirty years. Yes, you read that right. It has only been open for thirty, so I'm an old-timer here even though I only visit once a year. Anyhoo...menu has not changed substantially which says a lot for this place. It is still current and tasty and cheap. I order an avocado and bacon sandwich with all the fixin's, a cup of soup, and settle in. The sandwich is so good...the bacon is thick-cut and crumbled, not strips, so it is chewy and man, so tasty. The place is now owned by an Italian family, so they also offer Italian specialties. Next time I may try those, but with only one dinner out this trip, I go with the sentimental sandwich. (They have a great sandwich called the Sir Melt, which is open-faced with a huge pile of fresh veggies, cheese on top and broiled...really tasty) http://sirbens.com/
I sit at the same table each time...the one set up against the trophy case full of t-shirts. Of course, since this is me, people feel the need to come up and talk to me. This is OK with me, and part of the whole deal. My table has four chairs, and as the musicians start to trickle in, chairs become scarce. An older fellow named Mike sat with me for a long while, talking about the musicians in the group. Mike is a regular attendee on the folk music scene in Duluth, and kept encouraging me to stop in for Chick Jam, Old-time Country Jam, etc. I kept reminding him that I live 5+ hours away but he was undeterred. Then skinny Tom, the bodhran player, regaled me with his pretty-good fake Irish accent, asking me to use my computer to book him a flight to Cork. We visited off and on throughout the evening.
Mike headed out, and a lovely lady named Fran came to sit with me. She was perhaps in her 50s, with the complexion and attitude of a young girl. She was delightful, and we talked about music, life, and many things. One of the gems we find when we open ourselves up to receiving them.
After about four hours of visiting and listening to music, it was time to head back to the cottage. I forget how dark night really is...I live in a small town but there is still ambient light from nearby cities. The road to my place was startlingly dark...black as black. A lone freighter floated in the distance, its lights standing out in the darkness. Yes...again, this is why I come here.
Cooler Near the Lake Part I
This will be a three-part post so as not to get too long on any one post. Last week I took my annual solo trip to Duluth. I start a new job tomorrow, one for which I am extremely grateful and excited, so wanted to charge my batteries at The Lake. I lived for only three years in Superior, during high school, but still consider that area home. Of all the places I've been, the shore north of Duluth still holds the most power for me. The pounding waves, rocky shore, ships out on the waves...they all ground me and bring a sense of peace.
I have my set itinerary when I go Up North. Varies very little from year to year, although if I have more time I'll add some extras like Gooseberry Falls State Park or Splitrock Lighthouse. I leave the Madison area early in the morning, by six at the latest. Make my way up the interstate, past Mauston and the Oasis truck stop which has awesome pie and tuna melts, onward north. Now I'm starting to feel "away." Continuing along the highway, past Eau Claire, into the Northern Highlands. The Highlands area was once a mountain range, now worn from centuries of glaciers and erosion. It isn't really that hilly, but is higher than the rest of the state. This is the gateway to the Lake Superior Watershed, and...The Lake. Cresting the hill, I finally can glimpse the lake in the distance. It's all downhill from here...literally and figuratively. Almost there!
Arriving in Duluth, I head first to Canal Park. This is a fun area on The Lake where you can watch BIG ships entering and leaving the port. The aerial lift bridge sounds its alarm, and crowds gather to see what ship is coming. Sometimes it is just a tour boat (darn!) but I was lucky and saw a 1200-footer make its way through the channel to The Lake. This area also is full of shops and galleries, restaurants and pubs. When I lived in Superior (sister city to Duluth) this area was all strip clubs and empty warehouses, save for the one restaurant, Grandma's. Now I park, hit the Amazing Grace coffee shop, stroll through the galleries, hit the small bookstore to browse books by local authors, and generally "pook and poke" as my mom says. Good to stretch my legs after the 5+ hour drive, but is it me or is it about 15 degrees cooler here than at home?
Off to my cabin! I have stayed at different places through the years, but I really like this one. It hits the right note...only a few minutes into the city, but not in the city...view of The Lake from my bed...coffee maker and fridge...teeny tiny bathroom with instant hot showers...ahhh. Especially nice since the temperature HERE is at least 5 to 10 degrees cooler than in town! The righthand unit is where I stayed, and the Lake photo is taken from the bed.
Highly recommend this place to anyone looking for a getaway.
http://www.northshorecottages.com/
After a brief rest and settling-in time, I'm ready to hit the town. I usually do the "city thing" the first day, and the "Lake thing" the second. Just the way it seems to go. I purchased some local beer for hubby, drove the Scenic Highway looking for houses to buy someday (hey, fun to dream), and finally headed to my one must-do...Sir Benedict's Tavern on the Lake. Now, this is a pub in a converted gas station. Amazing view of the Lake, terrific build-your-own sandwiches, and free live music. I particularly like the Irish Music Jam, so try to plan my trips with a Thursday overnight so I can see that. See Part II for the rest!
I have my set itinerary when I go Up North. Varies very little from year to year, although if I have more time I'll add some extras like Gooseberry Falls State Park or Splitrock Lighthouse. I leave the Madison area early in the morning, by six at the latest. Make my way up the interstate, past Mauston and the Oasis truck stop which has awesome pie and tuna melts, onward north. Now I'm starting to feel "away." Continuing along the highway, past Eau Claire, into the Northern Highlands. The Highlands area was once a mountain range, now worn from centuries of glaciers and erosion. It isn't really that hilly, but is higher than the rest of the state. This is the gateway to the Lake Superior Watershed, and...The Lake. Cresting the hill, I finally can glimpse the lake in the distance. It's all downhill from here...literally and figuratively. Almost there!
Arriving in Duluth, I head first to Canal Park. This is a fun area on The Lake where you can watch BIG ships entering and leaving the port. The aerial lift bridge sounds its alarm, and crowds gather to see what ship is coming. Sometimes it is just a tour boat (darn!) but I was lucky and saw a 1200-footer make its way through the channel to The Lake. This area also is full of shops and galleries, restaurants and pubs. When I lived in Superior (sister city to Duluth) this area was all strip clubs and empty warehouses, save for the one restaurant, Grandma's. Now I park, hit the Amazing Grace coffee shop, stroll through the galleries, hit the small bookstore to browse books by local authors, and generally "pook and poke" as my mom says. Good to stretch my legs after the 5+ hour drive, but is it me or is it about 15 degrees cooler here than at home?
Off to my cabin! I have stayed at different places through the years, but I really like this one. It hits the right note...only a few minutes into the city, but not in the city...view of The Lake from my bed...coffee maker and fridge...teeny tiny bathroom with instant hot showers...ahhh. Especially nice since the temperature HERE is at least 5 to 10 degrees cooler than in town! The righthand unit is where I stayed, and the Lake photo is taken from the bed.
Highly recommend this place to anyone looking for a getaway.
http://www.northshorecottages.com/
After a brief rest and settling-in time, I'm ready to hit the town. I usually do the "city thing" the first day, and the "Lake thing" the second. Just the way it seems to go. I purchased some local beer for hubby, drove the Scenic Highway looking for houses to buy someday (hey, fun to dream), and finally headed to my one must-do...Sir Benedict's Tavern on the Lake. Now, this is a pub in a converted gas station. Amazing view of the Lake, terrific build-your-own sandwiches, and free live music. I particularly like the Irish Music Jam, so try to plan my trips with a Thursday overnight so I can see that. See Part II for the rest!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Goodwill Hunting
So, yesterday my best friend and I were at the Goodwill store. I love the treasure hunt aspect of shopping there...I never know what I'm going to find. Quickly: yesterday it was a pair of Franco Sarto boots for $4 and a J. Jill suit for $8 (would be $80 and $200 respectively, retail). OK, back to my main point. We never know where we'll find an unexpected jewel.
You know that little thrill you get when you're at the grocery store, and there are...free samples?! It's like Christmas, even though the samples are usually for food you'd never buy anyway. Free! yay!
In the small town where I live (population 1100 soaking wet) there is a little old lady. She is very bent over with osteoporosis, and uses a rolling walker. She has every reason to sit home and rest, since she can barely move. But every single day she goes for a long walk. I'll see her all over town (well, the last street at the edge of town is 2nd Street, but still). Rain, shine, 10 degrees, 90 degrees...she is out there moving and grooving with her reflective safety vest on. I have always admired her. Let's call her LOL (little old lady).
The other day a friend of mine who is extremely well connected in town shared a story with me about this lady. It seems that the local bank used to have a popcorn machine in the lobby. The staff would fill little bags so that customers could grab a small snack after they finished their banking. (I love small towns) Well, this admirable lady heard about the feast to be had, and would often stop by. Apparently, LOL would fill the basket on the front of her walker with EVERY bag of popcorn, and then head home.
Now, I am not one to cast aspersions. I love popcorn, and in fact my mother taught us that it is the fifth food group. Nearly every Sunday it was popcorn and Wide World of Disney for dinner.
Well, the bank decided that its bottom line was being too severely impacted by LOL and packed up the popcorn machine. To me, this seems the height of mean-spiritedness. LOL worked hard to get to the bank for her snack. Doesn't she deserve some small recognition for her sacrifice? I think so.
I believe that it is these small treasures...small victories, surprises, serendipitous tidbits...that make life so much fun. Sometimes I'll even plant something...a few coins, for example...in a public spot just so someone can have the pleasure of discovering a treasure. After all, what is life good for if we can't laugh? I just have this one directive for you today...LOL.
You know that little thrill you get when you're at the grocery store, and there are...free samples?! It's like Christmas, even though the samples are usually for food you'd never buy anyway. Free! yay!
In the small town where I live (population 1100 soaking wet) there is a little old lady. She is very bent over with osteoporosis, and uses a rolling walker. She has every reason to sit home and rest, since she can barely move. But every single day she goes for a long walk. I'll see her all over town (well, the last street at the edge of town is 2nd Street, but still). Rain, shine, 10 degrees, 90 degrees...she is out there moving and grooving with her reflective safety vest on. I have always admired her. Let's call her LOL (little old lady).
The other day a friend of mine who is extremely well connected in town shared a story with me about this lady. It seems that the local bank used to have a popcorn machine in the lobby. The staff would fill little bags so that customers could grab a small snack after they finished their banking. (I love small towns) Well, this admirable lady heard about the feast to be had, and would often stop by. Apparently, LOL would fill the basket on the front of her walker with EVERY bag of popcorn, and then head home.
Now, I am not one to cast aspersions. I love popcorn, and in fact my mother taught us that it is the fifth food group. Nearly every Sunday it was popcorn and Wide World of Disney for dinner.
Well, the bank decided that its bottom line was being too severely impacted by LOL and packed up the popcorn machine. To me, this seems the height of mean-spiritedness. LOL worked hard to get to the bank for her snack. Doesn't she deserve some small recognition for her sacrifice? I think so.
I believe that it is these small treasures...small victories, surprises, serendipitous tidbits...that make life so much fun. Sometimes I'll even plant something...a few coins, for example...in a public spot just so someone can have the pleasure of discovering a treasure. After all, what is life good for if we can't laugh? I just have this one directive for you today...LOL.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun, on the bio
No, that isn't a typo. I have been asked to create a "bio" for distribution to all staff and students at my new employer. This is not the sort of task I relish. Do I write in first person, third person, what? Maybe I should use the royal "we." "We are especially pleased that we should be welcomed into the Globe University family." Should I be chummy, or professional? Can I be both? Since I've never done this sort of work before, how do I describe myself in a way that will instill confidence? "Uh, yea, I know I've never actually DONE this kind of thing??? but, I can TOTALLY do it." All I can do is hope that my husband's confident manner has rubbed off on me a bit. He has the delightful ability, at the drop of a hat and if asked, to tell anyone and everyone within earshot about all the great things he has done and been. For him, confidence flows like water over the side of a plugged eaves trough during a hurricane.
For me, although I am very confident in my abilities and competence, expressing that verbally is a toughie. My good-girl, Catholic upbringing keeps reminding me to tone it down...don't be a braggart. "Never forget that you did get a C in gym class."
It isn't always easy assessing ourselves. I always tend to be too tough on myself. If I'm not careful, I'll measure myself against my own mind's eye version of who I could/should be, rather than acknowledging what I've learned and become. How do I take a good look at myself, sum it all up, and share that with others?
Where is the balance? My old pal the Dalai Lama of course has something to say on this point:
To say that humility is an essential ingredient in our pursuit of spiritual transformation may seem to be at odds with what I have said about the need for confidence. But there is clearly a distinction to be made between valid confidence or self-esteem, and conceit - which we can describe as an inflated sense of importance, grounded in a false image of self.
Ok, so we know there is a balance point somewhere. Somewhere between delusion and self-flagellation there is the spot where we feel good. The spot where we know ourselves. We have knowledge, experience, wisdom, and talents. Focus on those, knowing that there is always more to learn, and always room to grow!
So, enough stalling...time to write that bio!
For me, although I am very confident in my abilities and competence, expressing that verbally is a toughie. My good-girl, Catholic upbringing keeps reminding me to tone it down...don't be a braggart. "Never forget that you did get a C in gym class."
It isn't always easy assessing ourselves. I always tend to be too tough on myself. If I'm not careful, I'll measure myself against my own mind's eye version of who I could/should be, rather than acknowledging what I've learned and become. How do I take a good look at myself, sum it all up, and share that with others?
Where is the balance? My old pal the Dalai Lama of course has something to say on this point:
To say that humility is an essential ingredient in our pursuit of spiritual transformation may seem to be at odds with what I have said about the need for confidence. But there is clearly a distinction to be made between valid confidence or self-esteem, and conceit - which we can describe as an inflated sense of importance, grounded in a false image of self.
Ok, so we know there is a balance point somewhere. Somewhere between delusion and self-flagellation there is the spot where we feel good. The spot where we know ourselves. We have knowledge, experience, wisdom, and talents. Focus on those, knowing that there is always more to learn, and always room to grow!
So, enough stalling...time to write that bio!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Free to Be, You and Me
I find it amusing that this song has been resurrected for a current television commercial (also interesting to note that the company using the song is currently in the spotlight for funding less-than-"free to be" political candidates, but I digress). I remember listening to the whole Free to Be, You and Me album as a kid in the '70s. I think that today this phrase is worth remembering. There is so much fear in the world today. Free speech issues arise on a regular basis, bigotry still abounds, and people don't know where to draw the lines. Sometimes we overreact and lash out, just perpetuating the fear and confusion. Maybe we could lighten up.
Now, my intention today was to write a very lighthearted blog about individualism. I don't really want this to be a political forum, but rather a slice of life. So, here we go.
As Americans we like being individuals. We choose our jobs, fashions, places of worship, and favorite restaurants. We like to think of ourselves as unique persons. And, as Mister Rogers always said, we are special. "I like you just for being you." Still makes me tear up. After a hard day, nothing beats his soft voice reminding us that we are fine, just the way we are.
Now and then, however, we come across someone a bit more...heightened...than the everyday special. I am specifically thinking of a street musician we saw this summer in Barcelona. We were there as part of a long trip through several countries, and this guy still stands out as one of my favorite Europe memories. There is a place in Barcelona called Parc Guell. It was originally supposed to be a high-end housing development in the early 20th century, but it failed. Now it is a park. Architect Antoni Gaudi applied his skills to create buildings and seating areas reminiscent of Dr. Seuss. In one of the many grottos of the park, we found this musician of whom I speak.
The didgeridoo is a weird and primitive-sounding instrument from Australia. I personally like the sound, but it may not be for everyone. But this guy was inspired to make himself stand out even more. "I don't want to be just like all the OTHER didgeridoo players, for cryin' out loud. I want to be SPECIAL." With an Ernie puppet on one hand and a...something?...puppet on the other, a recorded beat/bass track, and his dideridoo, this dude was truly special. I can best describe the music as Aborigini/Rave/House. I actually really dig it.
Since this is Saturday, I'm keeping it short. Take a moment to think of the truly special folks you know, people who make you smile a bit just because they're here with us. Maybe reach beyond your own comfort zone a bit and try something new and fun, just for the heck of it. And, if you like, watch my friend from Barcelona strut his stuff. Have some fun, people, and keep smiling!
Now, my intention today was to write a very lighthearted blog about individualism. I don't really want this to be a political forum, but rather a slice of life. So, here we go.
As Americans we like being individuals. We choose our jobs, fashions, places of worship, and favorite restaurants. We like to think of ourselves as unique persons. And, as Mister Rogers always said, we are special. "I like you just for being you." Still makes me tear up. After a hard day, nothing beats his soft voice reminding us that we are fine, just the way we are.
Now and then, however, we come across someone a bit more...heightened...than the everyday special. I am specifically thinking of a street musician we saw this summer in Barcelona. We were there as part of a long trip through several countries, and this guy still stands out as one of my favorite Europe memories. There is a place in Barcelona called Parc Guell. It was originally supposed to be a high-end housing development in the early 20th century, but it failed. Now it is a park. Architect Antoni Gaudi applied his skills to create buildings and seating areas reminiscent of Dr. Seuss. In one of the many grottos of the park, we found this musician of whom I speak.
The didgeridoo is a weird and primitive-sounding instrument from Australia. I personally like the sound, but it may not be for everyone. But this guy was inspired to make himself stand out even more. "I don't want to be just like all the OTHER didgeridoo players, for cryin' out loud. I want to be SPECIAL." With an Ernie puppet on one hand and a...something?...puppet on the other, a recorded beat/bass track, and his dideridoo, this dude was truly special. I can best describe the music as Aborigini/Rave/House. I actually really dig it.
Since this is Saturday, I'm keeping it short. Take a moment to think of the truly special folks you know, people who make you smile a bit just because they're here with us. Maybe reach beyond your own comfort zone a bit and try something new and fun, just for the heck of it. And, if you like, watch my friend from Barcelona strut his stuff. Have some fun, people, and keep smiling!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sabbatical Spring, Sabbatical Summer
Many of you who know me know that I have been looking for a job for the last six months or so. Not just any job. I was looking for that vocation that would nourish my soul and intellect, allow me to share my gifts, and also provide for my physical/material needs. I have spent the last ten years working in whatever position I found myself, just to pay the bills. It was time to step aside from the path on which I'd been treading.
Sabbath, sabbatical, rest. That's what I needed, and I am so grateful to have been granted it. My wonderful husband supported my need to rest. All the years of unhappiness at work, the feeling that I had never reached my potential, the lack of respect...all of the things that can wear on one over the years...these were allowed to heal. The chipmunk in the morning, the chickadees in the afternoon, and the wind through the trees all day long became my main companions during the daytime. I breathed, stuck to an exercise program, ate well, and rested. My mind began to settle. Ah.
The first two months I busied myself on house projects: installed a new kitchen floor, painted every room, landscaped the yard. The next three months I decided it was time to really look for paid work, and I spent anywhere from two to seven hours a day on that effort. Frustrated, unhappy with what I found, wondering how long I could go without an income...all of these were at the forefront of my job search.
Then, one day about a month or so ago, I decided to really stop. I sat myself down and asked, "What is it you really want to do? Forget about the jobs that are out there...what do YOU want?" Now, I am the type of person described as a Scanner by Barbara Sher. This means that I am a seeker who tries many different things, and often has trouble settling on one because there are so many other exciting choices! "If I do THIS, then I won't be doing THAT!" What this also means is that I put a lot of pressure on situations to be perfect. Time to drop that mumbo jumbo. Back to the question I asked myself, "What is the essence of what you want?"
1. I like to mentor and help others. "But I don't want to be a counselor or therapist." Stop worrying about what you don't want!
2. I want a position that allows me to move within the community, rather than sit at a desk all day. "Those jobs don't pay much!" Breathe.
3. A position with respect, where I may use my skills and creativity to forge new directions. "That takes years...you'll have to do a job you don't like if you want to get to that point with any employer." Sigh.
4. I like the higher education environment. "But you don't have a graduate degree...all those jobs require graduate degrees and you can't afford to just go to school now." It's OK, keep going.
5. Maybe I'd like teaching adults. "Good luck with that...see #4." Just stop, already.
Great. I've outlined what I'm looking for, and quieted my inner critic. Breathe, enjoy the summer days on the deck, see friends, trust. That's the biggie...trust that it will be.
So, I trusted. And trusted. And then one day, I found a position that called to me. Keep trusting. "But they are requesting a Master's degree!" Trust, apply for the job, and trust some more. Long story short, yesterday I was awarded the position below...are you ready?
Director of Career Services for Globe University main duties
1. Mentor students as they search for jobs after completing their degrees.
2. Network with the business community by meeting with companies, attending functions, and hosting events, spending no more than 50% of time in the office.
3. As the school just opened, you will be in charge of setting the direction of the Career Services program at this location, answering only to the Director of the School.
4. Globe University has been around since the 1800s. Bachelors' degree is fine (I did get the job, you know) and guess what? You can get your Master's degree for free here as an employee.
5. Teach the capstone Professional Development 250 class to those about to graduate.
I really can't say much more, now, can I? Let me leave you with this quote, and encourage you all to stop, breathe, and listen to yourself. Your dreams are already reality...you just may not see it yet.
"If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception very far to see that Sabbath time – effortless, nourishing rest – can invite a healing of this violence. When we consecrate a time to listen to the still, small voices, we remember the root of inner wisdom that makes work fruitful. We remember from where we are most deeply nourished, and see more clearly the shape and texture of the people and things before us."
— Wayne Muller (Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives)
Sabbath, sabbatical, rest. That's what I needed, and I am so grateful to have been granted it. My wonderful husband supported my need to rest. All the years of unhappiness at work, the feeling that I had never reached my potential, the lack of respect...all of the things that can wear on one over the years...these were allowed to heal. The chipmunk in the morning, the chickadees in the afternoon, and the wind through the trees all day long became my main companions during the daytime. I breathed, stuck to an exercise program, ate well, and rested. My mind began to settle. Ah.
The first two months I busied myself on house projects: installed a new kitchen floor, painted every room, landscaped the yard. The next three months I decided it was time to really look for paid work, and I spent anywhere from two to seven hours a day on that effort. Frustrated, unhappy with what I found, wondering how long I could go without an income...all of these were at the forefront of my job search.
Then, one day about a month or so ago, I decided to really stop. I sat myself down and asked, "What is it you really want to do? Forget about the jobs that are out there...what do YOU want?" Now, I am the type of person described as a Scanner by Barbara Sher. This means that I am a seeker who tries many different things, and often has trouble settling on one because there are so many other exciting choices! "If I do THIS, then I won't be doing THAT!" What this also means is that I put a lot of pressure on situations to be perfect. Time to drop that mumbo jumbo. Back to the question I asked myself, "What is the essence of what you want?"
1. I like to mentor and help others. "But I don't want to be a counselor or therapist." Stop worrying about what you don't want!
2. I want a position that allows me to move within the community, rather than sit at a desk all day. "Those jobs don't pay much!" Breathe.
3. A position with respect, where I may use my skills and creativity to forge new directions. "That takes years...you'll have to do a job you don't like if you want to get to that point with any employer." Sigh.
4. I like the higher education environment. "But you don't have a graduate degree...all those jobs require graduate degrees and you can't afford to just go to school now." It's OK, keep going.
5. Maybe I'd like teaching adults. "Good luck with that...see #4." Just stop, already.
Great. I've outlined what I'm looking for, and quieted my inner critic. Breathe, enjoy the summer days on the deck, see friends, trust. That's the biggie...trust that it will be.
So, I trusted. And trusted. And then one day, I found a position that called to me. Keep trusting. "But they are requesting a Master's degree!" Trust, apply for the job, and trust some more. Long story short, yesterday I was awarded the position below...are you ready?
Director of Career Services for Globe University main duties
1. Mentor students as they search for jobs after completing their degrees.
2. Network with the business community by meeting with companies, attending functions, and hosting events, spending no more than 50% of time in the office.
3. As the school just opened, you will be in charge of setting the direction of the Career Services program at this location, answering only to the Director of the School.
4. Globe University has been around since the 1800s. Bachelors' degree is fine (I did get the job, you know) and guess what? You can get your Master's degree for free here as an employee.
5. Teach the capstone Professional Development 250 class to those about to graduate.
I really can't say much more, now, can I? Let me leave you with this quote, and encourage you all to stop, breathe, and listen to yourself. Your dreams are already reality...you just may not see it yet.
"If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception very far to see that Sabbath time – effortless, nourishing rest – can invite a healing of this violence. When we consecrate a time to listen to the still, small voices, we remember the root of inner wisdom that makes work fruitful. We remember from where we are most deeply nourished, and see more clearly the shape and texture of the people and things before us."
— Wayne Muller (Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Gallileo and Sherlock Holmes
I have just finished reading two biographies of Galileo. The first, Galileo by James Reston, was excellent and offered historical and scientific insight into the great man. The second book, Galileo's Daughter by Dava Sobel, focused more on his personal experiences, family, and friends. The real tragedy of the Galileo story, from a personal rather than scientific standpoint, is that he was accused of suspected heresy. Galileo was a man who devoutly believed in the Catholic Church. His two daughters were nuns, although mainly because they were illegitimate and thereby unable to marry. In particular, his daughter Suor Maria Celeste provided him with spiritual, intellectual, and moral support. His forced appearance before the Inquisition angered and saddened him. All along, he believed that he was supporting his faith while creating a new way of approaching science. The Inquisition begged to differ.
Interestingly enough, a friend recently posted a Sherlock Holmes quote on his Facebook page that brought to mind Galileo's struggle: "What you do in this world is a matter of no consequence; the question is, what can you make people believe that you have done."~Sherlock Holmes (A Study in Scarlet) Hm. Galileo suffered censure and house arrest for the rest of his life after the Inquisition decided he had erred. They didn't believe he intended anything other than shaking the foundation of the Church. Sherlock Holmes, another man with extraordinary intelligence and ego, agrees that how things look is more important than how things are.
But, wait. Does this mean we should go through life trying to make ourselves look like something we're not? Should we be pandering to the current mood (or mode) of the day rather than living authentically? What, exactly, are we supposed to do now?
There is no doubt that we will be misread, misunderstood, and possibly maligned during our brief time here on earth. We really have very little control over what people think about us, although most of us try to at least live in some sort of accord with others. If we constantly worry about how we are perceived, we become ineffective and inauthentic...and self-centered. It isn't easy, just being here. I believe that the best we can do is to try not to be jerks, try to help out, and be eager to learn.
We have a duty to try. Just try...to make life a little better for others, to be grateful, and to accept the lessons that present themselves to us daily.
The Dalai Lama, a favorite of mine for his gentle and practical wisdom, sums it up:
We can't be useful to ourselves unless we're useful to others. Whether we like it or not, we're all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself. Anyone concerned only by his own well-being will suffer eventually. Anyone concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking ...about it. Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish - let us help others.
So, there it is. Be happy by helping others be happy. It really does make the world a better place, and you won't have to worry about how you look.
Interestingly enough, a friend recently posted a Sherlock Holmes quote on his Facebook page that brought to mind Galileo's struggle: "What you do in this world is a matter of no consequence; the question is, what can you make people believe that you have done."~Sherlock Holmes (A Study in Scarlet) Hm. Galileo suffered censure and house arrest for the rest of his life after the Inquisition decided he had erred. They didn't believe he intended anything other than shaking the foundation of the Church. Sherlock Holmes, another man with extraordinary intelligence and ego, agrees that how things look is more important than how things are.
But, wait. Does this mean we should go through life trying to make ourselves look like something we're not? Should we be pandering to the current mood (or mode) of the day rather than living authentically? What, exactly, are we supposed to do now?
There is no doubt that we will be misread, misunderstood, and possibly maligned during our brief time here on earth. We really have very little control over what people think about us, although most of us try to at least live in some sort of accord with others. If we constantly worry about how we are perceived, we become ineffective and inauthentic...and self-centered. It isn't easy, just being here. I believe that the best we can do is to try not to be jerks, try to help out, and be eager to learn.
We have a duty to try. Just try...to make life a little better for others, to be grateful, and to accept the lessons that present themselves to us daily.
We can't be useful to ourselves unless we're useful to others. Whether we like it or not, we're all connected, and it is unthinkable to be happy all by oneself. Anyone concerned only by his own well-being will suffer eventually. Anyone concerned with the well-being of others takes care of himself without even thinking ...about it. Even if we decide to remain selfish, let us be intelligently selfish - let us help others.
So, there it is. Be happy by helping others be happy. It really does make the world a better place, and you won't have to worry about how you look.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
10 a.m. is chipmunk time
I have a sassy chipmunk. He lives under my front walk. Each morning at 10 a.m. he hops up on the decorative driftwood on my stoop and chirps. And chirps. For a good five minutes straight, he will tell his story to the world. Here is a photo of him (taken through the window screen, so a little hard to see).
Is he happy? Angry? Just making noise? What?
This reminds me of my favorite episode of the old TV show Northern Exposure. The doctor's mother comes to visit, and she is a non-stop talker. Talk, talk, talk. The Inuit character Marilyn likens her to Ukatangi before he became the eagle (see below). Then, one day, she hikes to the top of a cliff. Busy watching the eagles that she loves as they soar, she trips and falls. Instead of plummeting to injury and death, however, she floats to the ground unharmed. She becomes quiet and reflective, in stark contrast to how she was before.
Maybe we can all learn from this. How many times do we allow ourselves to be caught up in our own agendas, our schedules, our tasks? Do we ever stop to see how we fit into the whole? In the Oneida world view the eagle has holistic vision. He sees the whole, the entirety of the world, unlike the hawk who sees only his target. I believe that many of our societal ills result from a loss of perspective. Our worries and cares fill our minds, leaving little room for wonder and understanding. How much more peace would we experience if we only stepped back and saw the world from the eagle's eyes? Let's find out.
My pledge for today: be the eagle, not the hawk. Enjoy the story and music below, friends, and be the eagle if only for a day!
http://en.kendincos.net/video-jftvflrn-ukatangi-the-talker-original-song.html
The eagle wasn’t always the eagle. The eagle, before he became the eagle, was Ukatangi, the talker.
Ukatangi talked and talked. He talked so much, he could only hear himself. Not the river, not the wind, not even the wolf.
The raven came and said, “The wolf is hungry. If you stop talking, you will hear him. The wind, too. And when you hear the wind, you will fly.”
So Ukatangi stopped talking, and soon heard the wind rushing by. In the quiet, he could hear the directions of its currents, swiftly lifting and falling. The music of the wind changed Ukatangi’s nature, and he became the eagle.
The eagle soared, and its flight said all it needed to say.
This reminds me of my favorite episode of the old TV show Northern Exposure. The doctor's mother comes to visit, and she is a non-stop talker. Talk, talk, talk. The Inuit character Marilyn likens her to Ukatangi before he became the eagle (see below). Then, one day, she hikes to the top of a cliff. Busy watching the eagles that she loves as they soar, she trips and falls. Instead of plummeting to injury and death, however, she floats to the ground unharmed. She becomes quiet and reflective, in stark contrast to how she was before.
Maybe we can all learn from this. How many times do we allow ourselves to be caught up in our own agendas, our schedules, our tasks? Do we ever stop to see how we fit into the whole? In the Oneida world view the eagle has holistic vision. He sees the whole, the entirety of the world, unlike the hawk who sees only his target. I believe that many of our societal ills result from a loss of perspective. Our worries and cares fill our minds, leaving little room for wonder and understanding. How much more peace would we experience if we only stepped back and saw the world from the eagle's eyes? Let's find out.
My pledge for today: be the eagle, not the hawk. Enjoy the story and music below, friends, and be the eagle if only for a day!
http://en.kendincos.net/video-jftvflrn-ukatangi-the-talker-original-song.html
Ukatangi
The eagle wasn’t always the eagle. The eagle, before he became the eagle, was Ukatangi, the talker.
Ukatangi talked and talked. He talked so much, he could only hear himself. Not the river, not the wind, not even the wolf.
The raven came and said, “The wolf is hungry. If you stop talking, you will hear him. The wind, too. And when you hear the wind, you will fly.”
So Ukatangi stopped talking, and soon heard the wind rushing by. In the quiet, he could hear the directions of its currents, swiftly lifting and falling. The music of the wind changed Ukatangi’s nature, and he became the eagle.
The eagle soared, and its flight said all it needed to say.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Chickadee Karma
Some days the chickadees just seem happier than others. Now, don't get me wrong...chickadees live up to their reputation as being among the cheeriest of creatures. It just seems that today they are outdoing themselves. A little on the ADD side, they are my favorite little friends just now. Tree branch...deck railing...tree branch...deck floor...table...chair...deck rail...and then, finally, they pop over to the "white trash birdbath" on my deck.
The WTBB is a once-beautiful lemon verbena given to me by a friend. Let's just say that the Ayn Rand school of plant care leaves something to be desired. I even wrapped Tibetan prayer flags through its branches, hoping that any past life evils the plant had incurred to arrive at its present state would be mitigated. Not so good. So, onto the deck it went in a last-ditch effort to bring it back to life. Nada. Well, it is sort of big and heavy, so I didn't get around to moving it. Heavy rains fully saturated the soil so now it is essentially a bunch of dead branches in a giant flooded pot, garnished with colorful prayer flags, quite torn and weathered.
But, perhaps, is there hope for the WTBB? A saving grace? Back to the chickadees. They love the WTBB. Hopping up and down the branches, sipping water from the flooded pot, cheerfully chirping away...every day they enjoy the sad karmic state of the verbena. It is my firm belief that the chickadees are honoring the plant's life in its death. Has the verbena gone on to be reincarnated as a lush, thriving jungle plant in Costa Rica? Or perhaps become a well-pruned rose? Who can truly say?
One thing I know for certain: chickadees + WTBB + summer mornings = the good life.
The WTBB is a once-beautiful lemon verbena given to me by a friend. Let's just say that the Ayn Rand school of plant care leaves something to be desired. I even wrapped Tibetan prayer flags through its branches, hoping that any past life evils the plant had incurred to arrive at its present state would be mitigated. Not so good. So, onto the deck it went in a last-ditch effort to bring it back to life. Nada. Well, it is sort of big and heavy, so I didn't get around to moving it. Heavy rains fully saturated the soil so now it is essentially a bunch of dead branches in a giant flooded pot, garnished with colorful prayer flags, quite torn and weathered.
But, perhaps, is there hope for the WTBB? A saving grace? Back to the chickadees. They love the WTBB. Hopping up and down the branches, sipping water from the flooded pot, cheerfully chirping away...every day they enjoy the sad karmic state of the verbena. It is my firm belief that the chickadees are honoring the plant's life in its death. Has the verbena gone on to be reincarnated as a lush, thriving jungle plant in Costa Rica? Or perhaps become a well-pruned rose? Who can truly say?
One thing I know for certain: chickadees + WTBB + summer mornings = the good life.
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