I have never hosted Thanksgiving. We have always gone to a family member's home and enjoyed the holiday there. This year, I wanted to host it myself. I wanted a nice, quiet holiday with my husband, my kids, their significant others, and my dad and his wife. Small, lots of food, cozy. Everything was in place until I received a call tonight from my former sister-in-law. My ex's mother is not doing well, and I was asked if my kids could spend some time at her home on Thanksgiving (typically "my" holiday with the kids). Thanks, Universe! So...what was I to say? "Nope, too bad, I already bought $200 worth of turkey and stuffing?" Of course not. My first response was to suggest that they host their dinner a little early, and I could push mine back so the kids could do both (we all live in the same town). Sounds reasonable, right? Then, I thought about it. Hmm. My ex is not known to be reasonable when it comes to scheduling. How often has this worked? How many times have I compromised and had the plan bite me in the backside anyway? Every other time I have sat waiting, sometimes for hours, while the kids were delayed and late. Grrr, what to do?
So, I called my stepmother and told her what was going on, and that we weren't sure what time we'd be doing dinner because we were going to try to accommodate the kids visiting their grandma. She in turn said that they had heard there was a large blizzard that was supposed to hit on Thanksgiving, and they were wondering if we might want to do dinner on Friday so they wouldn't have to drive in it. AHHH! Another variable.
Gotta think. For crying out loud, the poor woman is nearing the end of her life...Thanksgiving is just a day...I like leftover turkey...and hey, Thanksgiving is about being thankful and enjoying the people around me. It isn't about requiring others to meet my perceived need to host this holiday dinner, and it certainly isn't about stressing because I'm trying to make an unworkable situation work. Would the kids be happy at my place knowing that their grandma is NOT seeing them? Would that make me happy? NO to both questions. Will anyone win if we sit around holding dinner until it gets cold and clammy, hoping they will arrive, while they stress about leaving their grandma to come to my house? Do I want my dad and his wife driving in a blizzard to get here? BAH! Game off.
So, my wonderful, wonderful husband and I talked it out. Bottom line, we want to do a big dinner on Thanksgiving, and whomever can come can come. I called everyone and told them they were free to do whatever they needed. We are doing dinner, come if and when you can, and no hard feelings. You know the funny part? There really ARE no hard feelings. I don't feel badly at all. I am totally happy stepping to the side of the whole game, not trying to play with ever-changing rules and conditions, not trying to accommodate everyone's wishes and needs, not playing!
Does not play well with others, and couldn't be happier.
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