Does Not Play Well With Others

I've been away too long.  Using the worn-out excuses of "no time" and "no blog ideas" I skipped a few weeks.  Back to it!

I have never hosted Thanksgiving.  We have always gone to a family member's home and enjoyed the holiday there.  This year, I wanted to host it myself.  I wanted a nice, quiet holiday with my husband, my kids, their significant others, and my dad and his wife.  Small, lots of food, cozy.    Everything was in place until I received a call tonight from my former sister-in-law.  My ex's mother is not doing well, and I was asked if my kids could spend some time at her home on Thanksgiving (typically "my" holiday with the kids).  Thanks, Universe!  So...what was I to say?  "Nope, too bad, I already bought $200 worth of turkey and stuffing?"  Of course not.  My first response was to suggest that they host their dinner a little early, and I could push mine back so the kids could do both (we all live in the same town).  Sounds reasonable, right?  Then, I thought about it.  Hmm.  My ex is not known to be reasonable when it comes to scheduling.  How often has this worked?  How many times have I compromised and had the plan bite me in the backside anyway?  Every other time I have sat waiting, sometimes for hours, while the kids were delayed and late.   Grrr, what to do?

So, I called my stepmother and told her what was going on, and that we weren't sure what time we'd be doing  dinner because we were going to try to accommodate the kids visiting their grandma.  She in turn said that they had heard there was a large blizzard that was supposed to hit on Thanksgiving, and they were wondering if we might want to do dinner on Friday so they wouldn't have to drive in it.  AHHH!  Another variable.

Gotta think.  For crying out loud, the poor woman is nearing the end of her life...Thanksgiving is just a day...I like leftover turkey...and hey, Thanksgiving is about being thankful and enjoying the people around me.  It isn't about requiring others to meet my perceived need to host this holiday dinner, and it certainly isn't about stressing because I'm trying to make an unworkable situation work.  Would the kids be happy at my place knowing that their grandma is NOT seeing them?  Would that make me happy?  NO to both questions.  Will anyone win if we sit around holding dinner until it gets cold and clammy, hoping they will arrive, while they stress about leaving their grandma to come to my house?  Do I want my dad and his wife driving in a blizzard to get here?  BAH!  Game off.


So, my wonderful, wonderful husband and I talked it out.  Bottom line, we want to do a big dinner on Thanksgiving, and whomever can come can come.  I called everyone and told them they were free to do whatever they needed.  We are doing dinner, come if and when you can, and no hard feelings.  You know the funny part?  There really ARE no hard feelings.  I don't feel badly at all.  I am totally happy stepping to the side of the whole game, not trying to play with ever-changing rules and conditions, not trying to accommodate everyone's wishes and needs, not playing!

Does not play well with others, and couldn't be happier.

Try a Little Kindness

I noticed something today. Or, rather, I questioned something. Have people lost their ability to accept kindness? I was shopping at Target, and at checkout was given a coupon for the Starbucks located in the store. Now, I am not a fan of Starbucks, not because they are a chain but because they over roast their coffee and I don’t like it. So, being nice, I offered my coupon to people standing in line for their coffee. First I offered the coupon to a man in fatigues, thinking, “Hey, people in the service deserve thanks.” He declined three times as if I were offering him a dead mouse. So I went to the next guy in line, and he gingerly took it out of my hands, frowned at it, and then mumbled, “OK.” Um…I am offering you money off something you are about to buy. Why aren’t you happy?



People are suspicious. People expect that you are in it for something, that you’re going to want something in return, that there must be some catch. Gee…I was just being nice. Are we really so cynical that we can’t just smile and say, “Wow, thank you” instead of staring blankly while we assess the perceived dark underbelly of an act of kindness?


I searched for quotes regarding accepting kindness. I found one. Just one!


One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession. --Sophocles


In accepting a kindness, we experience a moment of intimacy with the giver. I think it can be easier to show kindness, since we aren’t looking for a connection. “Hey, I’ll pick up that item the lady dropped and return it to her.” But RECEIVING kindness requires that we open ourselves to another’s act. We have to drop our guard just a bit.


During difficult moments in my life, I have found that the only way to stay sane was to accept kindness. If someone offered help, I swallowed my pride and took it. Sure, I could go it alone. Sure, I could be miserable and slog it out solo. But why should we do that? Why not acknowledge that we’re really all in this together? That means not only being the powerful giver, but the humble receiver.


So, my challenge to you and myself this week is to accept kindness when it is offered to you. You just might find that it is offered more often than you imagined. In this challenging world in which we live, kindness should never be relegated to the back of the closet, whether given or received.